Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Doin' It And Doin' It And Doin' It Well

LL's not looking good. His fingernails and lips have a bluish tinge, and House says that he needs to be put on a respirator right away. Warden says that's too bad, since they don't have any respirators here, making me wonder what, exactly, they do in that hospital infirmary anyway. Warden says he'll request one at the next budget meeting, and reminds House that LL is on Death Row as House whips out his cell phone to call for an ambulance. Warden says that's a waste of a call, because no Death Row inmates leave his prison -- "at least, not through the front doors."

Looks like House cleverly took LL out through the back door, since the next thing we see is House, a bunch of cops and paramedics, and LL leaving the elevator. Actually, it was Stacy's lawyer magic that got LL released to the hospital. Stacy says that Judge Markham is a "sucker" for eighth-amendment arguments, which is all well and good, until it turns out that Cuddy can't be convinced quite as easily. "House!" she barks. "Ruh-roh!" House says, doing a hilarious imitation of Scooby-Doo. That and the "partypants" thing might be enough to get this episode an A+. Cuddy wants to know why a simple consult has resulted in an entire floor of her hospital's being shut down. She's very disappointed in Stacy, who's all pissed off because House told her they had Cuddy's permission to do this. Ha! Hey, Stacy, at least when House lies to you, it doesn't result in chronic leg pain. Cuddy tells them to send LL back to prison, but they can't -- they're bound by the court order Stacy got to treat LL until he's better and can be released back to Death Row. "Is it just me or is that weird?" House asks, because while he would love to see a few humans be wiped off the face of the planet, it's just the stupid ones he wants to get rid of, not the ones who are smart enough to kill three people while under armed guard. That kind of problem-solving should be rewarded. LL is wheeled away, and Stacy puts a hand to her forehead and wishes she hadn't paralyzed all the muscles there so that she could know whether she was cutting her face open with her fingernail or not.

Cameron bounds into House's office, where her boss compliments her for putting a file on his desk chair, forcing him either to deal with its contents or never sit down again. Or he could just pick it up and put it somewhere else, like I always do, only to forget about them and then get in trouble for not paying that car insurance bill I buried under all the other stuff I didn't want to deal with. Cameron says she promised Cindy that House would see her, and House says he doesn't know why Cameron did that when Cindy has a clear-cut case of metastatic squamous cell lung cancer and six months to live. Cameron asks House if he even looked at the x-ray, and House says no, he was just guessing. Duh, Cameron. Cameron says that a few spots on an x-ray do not a lung cancer diagnosis make, and House calls her a hopeful child, adding that the other lung has swollen lymph nodes, ruling out pretty much every other diagnosis. But Cameron still wants to brainstorm. House looks at her, grabs Cindy's x-ray and slaps it up on a lightboard, and then starts writing. Cameron's all happy that she's finally getting what she wants for once and starts doing a differential diagnosis session before realizing that all House is writing on the lightboard are the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ACCEPTANCE. I'm not exactly sure what the bargaining is doing there, because it's not like you can bargain with cancer for a life extension. "From your tear-filled, puppy-dog eyes, I think I made my point. Now go tell Cindy Whatever-her-name-is that she's dying," House orders, and he's off to the meeting room. Oh, man, we aren't even fifteen minutes into the second season and Cameron's eyes are already tear-filled. This bodes not well, my friends.

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