House
Acceptance

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Doin' It And Doin' It And Doin' It Well

The Cottages enter LL's room, where the patient is sleeping and therefore doesn't have to suffer through Cameron's newest death-penalty lecture, Foreman Edition. You see, Foreman is black, so he'll be sensitive to the fact that black people are ten times more likely to get the death penalty than white people are. Foreman says that doesn't make the punishment racist; it just means they need to "kill more white people." Oh, Foreman, you are more like House every day. Meanwhile, Chase and Foreman are busy getting all those samples while Cameron stands around and thinks of more things to add to her lecture. LL can't take it anymore, so he wakes up and starts thrashing around against his restraints, his legs kicking up in the air and getting dangerously close to violating FCC nudity standards. Eventually, he's able to destroy the hospital bed railings to free himself from the restraints and yank the respirator tube out of his throat as the police run in, guns drawn. The Cottages are like, "Day-amn!" LL asks for water. For all that, he should have at least asked for a strawberry malt.

The Cottages return to the meeting room, where House asks for the differential diagnosis for being "thirsty." If you read the popular Baby-Sitter's Club series like I did, you'd know that being thirsty is one of the first symptoms of diabetes, and every time your throat was dry you'd think that you were doomed to a life of eating raisins while your friends (except for that self-righteous health nut Dawn) all ate the two-year-old candy bars Claudia stashed in her room. Damn you, Ann M. Martin! Chase says that LL was just dehydrated, and is fine now that he's been put on a saline drip. Foreman says that the drug tests came back clean. Cameron doesn't have anything to contribute, so she heads for the whiteboard to draw some pretty flowers or something. House orders her to put the marker down, since only he is allowed to write on the whiteboard. Cameron does get in a good line when she asks whether House has a "House theory" about how a negative drug test can still mean the patient is a heroin addict, though. I'll give her that. The whiteboard reads "Dead Man Dying," and House asks what else could cause LL's symptoms of tachycardia and pulmonary edema besides the drugs, stopping midway through the sentence when he notices Stacy pacing around his office. Go away, Stacy. Chase reports that LL's bicarb was low, and House says that could either be the cause of LL's tachycardia or a result of it. Cameron doesn't have any proof one way or the other, but she thinks it's the cause. House tells her to save her diagnosis based on what she wants it to be for her other patient, which she will, thank you very much.

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House

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