Do you really think he's going to do that? Not when he has Wilson to yell at for taking his girl out to a play! "You're trying to have sex with Cuddy," House says, trying not to turn green with envy. Wilson says that House might only take women to plays to have sex with them, but not Wilson. He truly enjoys the theater. So did the last guy who took me to the theater. By the way, that guy was gay. I'm just saying. Wilson says he took Cuddy out "as a friend." "A friend with a squish mitten," House says. Okay, that's worse than "panty hamster," "axe wound," or "roast beef curtains." It also evokes a very strange mental image. I don't want to mentally see Cuddy's privates represented as a squishy mitten anymore than I wanted to see the "vaginal examination on a six-year-old" montage. Wilson gets tired of House and says he slept with Cuddy. House's look of wide-eyed shock, betrayal, and sadness is awesome. "...Seriously?" he asks. Wilson admits he was lying. House doesn't think so. Wilson says that he did, in fact, sleep with Cuddy. "...Seriously?" House asks again, looking both upset and admiring. Wilson says that he didn't, and that House has a problem. And that problem is he's in love with Cuddy. But there's no time for that discussion, because Foreman comes in and says that they tested the blood on the T-shirt. It is Lucy's blood, but it's full of endometrial cells. Which means Lucy is having her period and has started puberty. This also means that Cameron really sucks at doing vaginal exams. How could she not notice? Surely Lucy would have, like, breasts or hair in other places besides her squish mitten. And wouldn't she at least have, like, stubble there? And yet, they didn't notice any even when they were right in her armpit doing that biopsy. So at this point, I'm going to have to let some medical stuff slide and kick back and enjoy the show for what it is and the dramatic license it has to take.
Deran can't believe this. "She was in diapers two years ago," he says of Lucy. How embarrassing for Lucy, to be four and still in diapers. She must have been the only kid in nursery school with diapers. No wonder she doesn't have any friends. Anyway, at the rate she's aging, she'll be back in diapers in another two years. Cameron says that Lucy's body is secreting too much sex hormone and her reproductive system got "confused." Or maybe her reproductive system got bored and was eager to get going and jumped the gun a little bit. "I haven't even talked to her about sex," Deran says. He was sort of hoping his wife would be alive to deal with that talk. "Girls talk to their moms about that," he says. They sure do, unless they're on 7th Heaven, in which case they get super-excited about going tampon-shopping with their dads. Deran takes a knee at Lucy's bedside and says that she'll be okay and he loves her. "I...want...juice," Lucy says. Everyone's happy that she's finally talking again.