Meanwhile, someone wearing the same cap as Lucas is still in the clinic, reading the Most Boring Newspaper of all time. Seriously, what is this, prop department? The "Banner Times?" Stories like "Pilots Warned by FAA" and "Lower $$$ Spurs Foreign Buy-Outs?" A picture of a nondescript building and some trees? I've seen better journalism in the paper you get in a SimCity 2000 game! Cuddy comes across the man and snatches his paper away, ready to tear into Lucas. But it's not Lucas sitting there. "Excuse me!" the man says, all bent out of shape that Cuddy ruined his boring newspaper. And right in the middle of that thrilling buy-outs article, too! Cuddy apologizes and walks away, embarrassed.
She heads for her office, where she finds the real Lucas searching her desk. He gave his cap to a man who sort of looks like him to distract Cuddy so he could search her office. That man is a weirdo for accepting a cap from a total stranger and wearing it without washing it first. I hope he learns his lesson and gets lice. Lucas admires Cuddy's boobs and says he likes her blouse. Cuddy bends over the desk and tells Lucas that if House wants to dig up dirt on her, he can just ask her himself. Right, I'm sure she'd volunteer blackmail information, too. Lucas says he isn't doing this for House, but for himself. He wanted to get to know Cuddy before he asked her out. If I were Cuddy, I'd call the cops. But she just lets Lucas ramble on that he considers this "research" and then he puts his feet up on her desk. Cuddy does say that Lucas is creepy, but Lucas says it's not like he could find out anything steamy about her based on her work desk. Well, he knows that now. What if she kept her coke stash in there? "I'm not a creep. I just thought you seemed interesting," Lucas says. I'm sorry, but ... he's a creep. He did bring a bouquet of flowers, though, and he leaves them with Cuddy on his way out. He gets to the door before trying to make a deal: he'll give her embarrassing information on House if she goes on a date with. And gives him money. Lucas doesn't work for free, unless it's for House because I'm pretty sure House hasn't given him a cent yet. "If you pay me while I check you out, it's all cool," Lucas says. CREEPY. Plus, Cuddy will have "leverage" and something she can use against House next time she needs to keep him in line. Cuddy gets all offended that Lucas would think she needs help keeping House in line, as if she doesn't let House run amok all over her hospital all the time. In the end, Cuddy can't resist the charms of a pathetically desperate man and agrees to the deal. She then asks him how he knew she liked roses. "I was in your house last night," Lucas deadpans, and Cuddy's expression goes from flattered to horrified in 0.1 second. Lucas claims he was kidding, but I don't think he was. Remember, he's bad at lying.