Could it … be? An episode of House that's fun and funny and has a cool medical mystery? Plus multiple Cuddy scenes? It is!
When an artist paints abstract portraits without meaning to, he's admitted to PPTH where House figures out that he's been participating in drug trials to earn extra money while his paintings aren't selling so that he won't have to admit to his girlfriend that he's a failure. When they take all the experimental drugs out of his system, he's still having problems and the symptoms keep going away and coming back while new ones appear. In the end, he admits his lack of funds and success to his girlfriend and House figures out that he's suffering from a clump of undigested food in his stomach, the result of an experimental antacid drug that took out too much acid. The food clump (so gross) absorbed things such as the experimental drugs, then suddenly released them, causing the symptoms. Chase removes the foul thing and the artist is all better.
Meanwhile, House uses his PI, who now has a name, to spy on the Cottages and then Cuddy. Cuddy on the other hand, uses Lucas's apparent interest in her to spy on House. House finds out about this and sends Lucas on his date with Cuddy with a picture of him as a college cheerleader. Cuddy knows there's no way that's real but wants to spend time with Lucas anyway. Amazingly, it turns out that the picture was real, which is awesome on so many levels that I don't know what to do yet.
Oh, and Taub finds out that his wife has a secret bank account. He thinks she's leaving him, but she's really saving to buy him a car. Guilt-ridden and sleep deprived, he confesses to her that he cheated.
While a classical guitar plays on the soundtrack, an artist paints a naked (but strategically posed) woman on a couch while her husband watches, thrilled to bits. Aw, that's kind of sweet. The artist, by the way, is played by Breckin Meyer, so it's a foregone conclusion that he's the Patient of the Week here. Although they did fool us once before by putting Brandy in an episode, only to have her appear for three seconds. Breckin finishes the painting and the couple sees it for the first time. They're not impressed. In fact, the husband is furious. "This is not what we discussed or what I paid for!" he says. The artist, whose name is Brandon, doesn't understand the problem, saying this is one of his better works. The philistine of a husband demands a refund, both verbally and physically with a punch to Brandon's face. Brandon goes flying into his easel and the noise gets the attention of his girlfriend, who comes running downstairs as the husband says he'd better have his refund by Friday ... or else! He and his wife take off (the wife wearing only a bathrobe, so that's going to be an interesting ride home. Hope they don't have to stop for gas!), leaving Girlfriend Heather to ask her bleeding boyfriend what just happened. Brandon has no idea why the husband would get so upset, but when Heather sees the painting -- and, finally, so do we -- she has a pretty good idea: it's an abstract of the wife's face. The problem is, the husband paid for a perfect likeness, and Brandon seems to think that's what he gave him. Wait, so ... does he see the wavy face as perfectly normal, or did he think the wife's face actually looked like that and didn't feel the need to call the government to report an alien invasion?
House is in the cafeteria with his new friend the P.I., who gets a name this week. It's Lucas. Lucas has just dropped off a packet of information about House's fellows, and House is very pleased with the results. Cuddy, however, is not. Because she is not stupid (well, not that stupid), she noticed that House was trying to slip Lucas's bills into PPTH's repair budget. Lucas quickly stands up to introduce himself, but Cuddy ignores him to tell House that she will not be paying for the "repairs" to the vending machine, cryostat, or elevator. House protests that Lucas spying on Wilson somehow saves PPTH's patients' lives, therefore saving the hospital money in the long run. Cuddy points out that saving lives actually costs the hospital money, although I really hope real hospital administrators out there don't think like that (but have a horrible feeling that they do). With that, Cuddy apologizes to Lucas, who's been awkwardly checking her out this whole time. "I like the shoes," he tells her. "Thank ... you ...?" Cuddy says, apparently not used to getting compliments about her outfits. That's probably because the only feedback she gets regarding her choice of business attire has been from the PPTH board of directors, and it goes like this: "Please stop dressing like a stripper pretending to be a teacher." So this is new ground for her. She walks off and House figures out that Lucas really meant to compliment Cuddy's legs rather than her shoes. Lucas, watching Cuddy's exit, thinks it's "less creepy" to say shoes than legs. "Less creepy, more gay," House answers. Meanwhile, House knows more about women's shoes than like any straight guy ever, what with the not hiring fellows who wear Prada. With that, Lucas asks what a cryostat is. House has no idea -- that was a genuine repair that Cuddy is now refusing to pay for. It's all fun and games until the cryostat breaks again and Cuddy can't find anyone to repair it since PPTH has now been added to the New Jersey State Cryostat Repairman Deadbeat list.