House

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Sara M: A- | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Bring It On

In the hall, House says the hair color change means Brandon's melanin is being affected. He asks what could do that. "Age," Taub says. House says he's pretty sure people don't go ginger as they approach their mid-thirties. Foreman suggests something less stupid, and then Kumar walks up saying he found something on Brandon's EKG that suggests Romano-Ward syndrome. House doesn't like it because Romano-Ward doesn't cause hair to change color, but Foreman says Romano-Ward is caused by at least five gene mutations, so it's not a huge leap to think Brandon has other gene mutations that caused his hair to change color. Yeah, one of those gene mutations that causes hair to randomly change color in your thirties at the same time that you happen to be dying of something else. Okay. Kumar says Brandon's heart is too weak for the standard treatment for Romano-Ward. "Pete Best!" House says. There is no response, and he lectures them all for not knowing about the Beatles' original drummer and thus ruining his upcoming metaphor about a bunch of nerves that control the tempo of the heart. One can't keep the beat, so they replace him with Ringo Starr and become the best band in the world. "Pete Best was actually a great drummer," Kumar, president of the Pete Best fan club, says. Kumar has the world record for Pete Best memorabilia, I heard. He continues that he guesses House is leading up to suggesting a cardiac sympathectomy. "Probably shoulda just said that," House says. He kind of got told by Kumar, didn't he? Taub whines that playing around with Brandon's nerves could have all kinds of unpleasant side effects, like he won't be able to swallow or sweat. Hmm. Well, sweating is overrated. Just ask pigs. They can't sweat and they're fine. And delicious. Hadley asks if Brandon is stable enough for surgery, and her hair is looking bad today. Unlike Kumar and Taub, she got to go home last night, right? She has no excuse for that limp, choppy mess. "If he was, he wouldn't need it," House says. How's that for a Catch-22?

And now we're looking at a black and white picture of two women wearing generic cheerleader uniforms and ... a young House, also wearing a cheerleader uniform. And he's even almost smiling. Good god. I don't even know what to say about this. I mean, it's one of the worst Photoshop jobs I've ever seen, but still. Cuddy seems equally impressed as she studies it in a diner, with Lucas at her side staring at her in his usual creepy way. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" he asks. "One sister," Cuddy answers, before saying House told her he was on the lacrosse team. When would he have told her that? It's the kind of normal, everyday, friendly conversation I can't imagine House ever having with anyone. Lucas says House was on the lacrosse team -- in high school. In college, he became a cheerleader. Okay, except that didn't Cuddy and House go to the same college? They weren't in the same class but I think they were there at the same time. And a shot of the cheerleading picture from further away reveals it to be even faker-looking than before. In return for the information, Cuddy grants Lucas the answers to five questions. The first was about her sister. The second and third are about her relationships with her father and mother (both "fine"). The fourth is how old Cuddy was when she lost her virginity. This is starting to sound like when Howard Stern interviews porn stars. Cuddy refuses to answer that one. Question five: "You know, don't you?" Cuddy has no idea what Lucas is talking about. He clarifies that Cuddy is "hot" and "smart" and therefore aware that things like Photoshop exist. So she should be suspicious of a photo of House, the un-cheeriest man in the world, as a college cheerleader. But she isn't, so either she isn't smart, or she knows it's a fake. Aw, it's a fake? I'm disappointed. But it does explain why that picture looked so fake. It was supposed to. Lucas says he figures that Cuddy must also know that he was working with House to give her a fake picture to try to get dirt on her and therefore he's busted and doesn't get to spend creepy time with Cuddy anymore. Cuddy says she's not stupid. She knows the photo was fake and that Lucas is playing a game with her. Lucas sighs and goes to leave. Then he stops and turns around and says if Cuddy knew he was playing her and she wouldn't get anything worthwhile on House from him ... why did she play along? Cuddy claims she wanted to screw with House. Lucas sidles up to Cuddy and says he thinks there's another reason. She gives him her version of a flirty smile. Cuddy is getting desperate in her old(er) age. You don't date men who search your desk and call it "research," no matter how endearing they try to be.

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House

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