House

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Sara M: A- | 1 USERS: A-
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Bring It On

Inside, House is hearing voices. Actually, it's just one voice -- Lucas's. And it's coming from a tiny transmitter in his ear. Lucas claims he's six miles away and House is in love with the technology that makes Lucas sound so clear from so far away. Lucas says he just feels like an idiot, and then he feels like even more of one when a woman sitting next to him hears this and thinks she's sitting next to a crazy man who talks to himself. With that, Lucas easily slips into the role of Wil-psychologist and tells House he likes making people like Taub miserable and driving everyone away from him. House thinks Taub "deserves" to know the truth. Yeah, right. And Hadley "deserved" to know the truth about her bad credit? She already knew that! Why can't House just admit that he wanted to stir shit up and torture people? With that, we realize that Lucas lied to House (even though he said he was bad at lying) and is actually quite close -- in the clinic. Cuddy's there, too. Lucas tries to conceal himself behind a newspaper, but she sees him and shakes her head.

House continues his conversation as he disembarks from the elevator, drawing a weird look from a woman waiting to get on. Heh. Lucas quite accurately points out that Taub is only one of House's fellows now because he had to leave the exciting world of plastic surgery to save his marriage. If that marriage falls apart now because of House's meddling, then House can kiss Taub good-bye. House gets a "shit! I didn't think of that!" look on his face.

Over at Brandon's room, things are not going well at all. Brandon's head and neck have swelled up and he can't breathe. Someone went a little overboard with the swollen neck makeup job, by the way. He looks like a bullfrog. Or like Gwyneth Paltrow in her Shallow Hal fat suit. Foreman's having trouble finding a place to cut for the tracheotomy with the neck so swollen. Hell, people are going to have trouble fitting in the room if Brandon's face gets any bigger. Kumar tells him to just start cutting and hope he finds the trachea, because they don't have much choice. That's risky, since one man's trachea incision is another's throat-slashing murder. But after all that, Foreman easily finds it and Brandon can breathe again.

After the break, Kumar explains that Brandon's face is so swollen that his tear ducts have been squeezed shut. Yikes. Various steroids and creams to reduce the swelling have had little effect and Brandon's tested negative for face swelling-related diseases. But House isn't paying attention to any of this since he just found out that Hadley paid for a three-year-gym membership but has only gone twice. He wants to know why. Well, clearly Hadley isn't very good at spending money and probably buys lots of things she doesn't really need or use. Also, she's busy working for you, so maybe she doesn't have time for the gym. The Cottages just stare at him and wait for him to finish. He says he's not going to bother wasting his time with their diagnoses since he already knows what Brandon's problem is: drugs.

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House

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