House
After Hours

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1 USERS: B
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Take Your Work Home

House is still being an idiot and doing surgery on himself. Honestly, I don't even know what to say about this. It's so ridiculous and so far-fetched. I mean, the reason why he even has these tumors in the first place is pretty much beyond the realm of believability, even for this show, and then for this to be the way he goes about getting rid of them... not only is it inconsistent with his character in a lot of ways, but it's also inconsistent with every character, like, ever. The only people who perform surgery on themselves are that woman who got breast cancer in Antarctica and those really crazy guys who cut off their own penises you see in the news sometimes. And yet, here House is, sitting in his bathtub, deep into his own leg, slightly sweaty but still working away and fishing around in there for the tumors. Great. He finds one and slowly, painfully, and shakily removes it. He goes back in for the second one, but his hand is now shaking too much from either the pain or the trauma to his body or both, and the local anesthetic isn't very effective the deeper into his own tissue he gets. Plus, he just used his last shot. So he's screwed. How did he not know this was going to happen? Come on.

Wilson is asleep in bed. Unfortunately for House, Wilson put his phone on vibrate for reasons I can't fathom and doesn't answer when he calls. Taub's phone is also on vibrate, and while he is awake to answer it, he decides not to because he's in the middle of a lap dance. Instead, he tries to have a conversation with the stripper, asking if she has kids. Weirdo. "What would you do if you got pregnant?" he asks her. She rolls her eyes. He keeps going, asking how she would like the man who got her pregnant to tell her that he didn't think she should keep it. Yeah, she's not going to answer that question. But she does want a tip at the end of this, so she keeps trying to dance for him. Maybe if she actually took her clothes off, her patrons' minds wouldn't keep wandering? Taub notices a mole on the small patch of the stripper's body that isn't covered and asks her if she knows she has an asymmetrical mole. He feels the need to touch it as he points it out to her, which is, of course, not allowed. She slaps his hand away. Taub apologizes, then tells her to see a dermatologist, touching the mole again. The stripper calls for the bouncer. Taub's lap dance is suddenly over.

Hadley's phone buzzes, but the only person close enough to hear it is Darrien, and she's too concerned about the guy who just appeared at the foot of the bed to care. She begs him not to, but he slowly pulls a gun out of his sweatshirt and aims it at her. "Put it down on the ground and get away!" she yells. Hadley hears her from the living room and runs in to find out what's going on, but before she can get there, the guy with the gun has been shot between the eyes and Darrien is sobbing out apologies to him. Which is kind of weird for Hadley to see, since there's no one there. The guy was just a hallucination.

House is not looking good as he suffers away in the bathtub. He gives up for good on the surgery and takes off the gloves before dialing another phone number. Cuddy is sleeping at 11:46 pm, but the buzzing phone (none of these people keep their ringers on at night? And they're supposed to be doctors?) wakes her up. She finds Rachel hanging out in her room watching a weird pirate cartoon on TV and asks her what she's watching. "TV, you bloody scallywag!" Rachel says. Ha! That kid is already sassy. She is going to be a monster when she's a teenager. Cuddy turns the TV off and answers her phone, clearly annoyed to see House's number calling her. "Someone better be dying," she says instead of hello.

Chase returns with the clotting factor and Hadley tells him that Darrien is now hallucinating, so she'll need a second dose of the clotting factor to make sure the bleed that's probably in her brain won't kill her. Chase says that's not going to be nearly enough at this point. Brain bleeds are serious business, and Darrien will need to go to the hospital and have surgery if she wants any chance of surviving at this point. "We can drill a burr hole here," Hadley says. Oh my god, these people are all insane and stupid. I'm surprised Taub didn't try to do a biopsy on that stripper's mole right then and there, based on the way his boss and co-workers are all behaving.

Chase says Hadley is risking both of their careers, going back to jail, and Darrien's life by not taking her to the hospital, but Hadley insists on keeping her promise to Darrien. Chase says if Hadley won't take Darrien to the hospital, he will. Hadley says no and moves to block her bedroom door. Chase says he will physically remove Hadley if he has to. He's going to have to, since Hadley isn't going anywhere. He pushes her out of the way and thinks that's the end of it, but Hadley starts punching him. After she lands a good punch on his face, he realizes that he has no choice but to fight back, so he grabs her arm before she can hit him again, grabs her by the throat, and tosses her on the floor. Violence against women (and men) is wrong, of course, but I think we can all agree that Chase was not wrong here. Also, Hadley totally started it. Chase looks pretty horrified by the whole thing, but recovers and goes to the bedroom. Yeah, Hadley? I know you think you're a bad ass and everything, but you are not stronger than a man. Even Taub could probably kick your ass.

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