House
Airborne

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Flakes On A Plane

And so he does, as Cuddy finds out when she goes to sit in her first-class seat and finds that her ticket has been changed to economy class, thereby recouping the five hundred dollars that House spent at the hotel. Ha! That's what you get for yelling at someone for unnecessary hotel room expenses while you spend three times as much for first-class tickets! Cuddy sighs resignedly and can't believe she didn't think of that first as she makes her way to the back of the plane with the cattle and chickens.

But now we're back with Fran and Robin, and though their odd relationship is interesting and would certainly be all I would want from any other episode, in this case, all I want is more House and Cuddy! Fran lies to Wilson that her recent trip was to Duluth to visit her sister, prompting Wilson to ask if the fresh tattoo on Fran's ankle was part of that visit. I know it's cold up there, Wilson, but I'm pretty sure they have tattoo parlors in Duluth. Robin looks up from her cell phone to check the tattoo out. It's an upside-down heart with wings. A banner across it reads, according to Robin's able Spanish translating abilities, "Fire Butt," although I think a better translation would be "Ass Of Fire." Either way, it's the best tattoo ever, even if it isn't actually on Fran's ass. "I was a little drunk," Fran explains sheepishly. Wilson asks where the drinking happened, and Fran explains that she turned fifty-eight last month, which was how old her mother was when she died. Fran got all freaked out, packed a bag, drove to JFK airport, and bought a seat on the first flight to a warm place she could find. That flight was to Caracas, Venezuela. Oddly, Fran's spontaneous devil-may-care attitude didn't extend to concerns about motion sickness, as she bought all those patches. "Oh my God," Robin mutters, just a little bit admiringly. Not only that, but Fran threw all caution to the wind and ate all the raw foods and drank all the water she could find. She also drank lots of booze and snorted cocaine off a homosexual man's stomach. Wilson takes a second to add this up in his mind, then asks if Fran had sex. Fran says she did, with someone named "El Gordo." "He was a large man," she says, smiling. Robin is enjoying this. Fran says that she never does things like that, and she's sure that's why she's sick.

Back on the plane! House is enjoying his first-class accommodations, which come with plenty of free booze, a rib eye steak, and a smiling flight attendant to bring both. Not having as great a time is the gentleman across the row, who groans his way through a Bloody Mary. The flight attendant asks if he's okay, and House answers for him that he's just drunk. Then the man throws up all over his food. Watching this a day after recovering from food poisoning brought back some really fond memories, I'll tell you. Assorted first-class passengers are most appalled at the man's display and mutter disapprovingly. The flight attendant tries to communicate with the man, who apparently speaks Korean. She asks if anyone on the plane speaks Korean. No one does. She asks if anyone on the plane is a doctor. House looks around. When no volunteers are forthcoming, he gets to his feet... and goes to fetch a doctor. He brings his meal and wine with him. I don't blame him at all -- I wouldn't want to spend my sweet first-class flight helping some guy recover from too much alcohol.

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House

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