House
Airborne

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Flakes On A Plane

Cuddy's in economy, having the worst time of her life. She flips through what appears to be a duty-free magazine while some gross man next to her snores in her ear and totally pretends to be asleep so he can brush his arm against her chest. House limps over with his food and drink, and Cuddy assumes that he's there to gloat. But no, he says, he's switching seats with her, because he's way too nice to stick her in economy for eighteen hours. She's so grateful that she doesn't realize that House isn't way too nice to stick her in economy for eighteen hours.

Somehow, Wilson has become the leader of the Cottages. They're tackling Fran's case. Chase thinks they should put the motion sickness patch back on Fran, as its presence was obviously making her feel better. Foreman disagrees, saying that it's not a fix, so it's irrelevant. When Cameron agrees with Chase, Foreman stops short and accuses them of agreeing with each other because they're sleeping together. Oh, he's so jealous it's not even funny. With Chase and Cameron's backing, Wilson says he'll put Fran back on the patch, which violates House Treatment Method Rule #1: never make the patient better. Always make the patient feel as bad as possible. The Cottages try to decide the next course of action amongst themselves, with Foreman sniping at the other two because he isn't getting any and they are. Wilson finally steps in and shuts them up by ordering them off to run blood tests, do a CT scan, and check Fran's house for toxins. He then breaks House Rule #2 and says "please." With Wilson at the helm, Fran's a goner.

Cuddy comes marching back to economy class and rips the earphones off House's ears to yell at him for sending her to first class under false pretenses. She kneels down and says that the Korean is suffering from all the hallmark symptoms of meningitis, including a rash on his lower back. "It's serious -- maybe contagious!" she sort-of-whispers. This attracts the attention of the blonde girl sitting in front of House. House scoffs at Cuddy's diagnosis, since (a) Cuddy is always wrong, and (b) they just attended a symposium on pandemics, so Cuddy probably just has them on the brain and is seeing them everywhere. You should have seen the uproar she created in the airport Starbucks when a nearby child coughed and Cuddy screamed that everyone was going to get smallpox. Cuddy says it's more like the Korean has pandemics on the brain, as well as the spinal cord -- his meningitis will spread and kill half the plane before they can land. The blonde speaks up at this, but House tells her there's nothing to worry about, and Cuddy orders her to "watch the movie," even though they didn't even turn the lights down for it, it's only playing on one screen in the front, and it looks really boring. I'd rather listen to my fellow passengers' conversations, too. Cuddy whispers that the Korean has a rash on his lower back, a telltale sign of meningitis and definitely not something you could get from a hangover. Unless, of course, you're hungover from a night of drinking at a frat house, in which case you might wake up with many strange things on your skin, like a drawing of a penis next to your mouth. House shrugs the rash off as an allergic reaction to one of the many allergens on the plane. He mentions peanuts as a possibility, even though there are no peanuts on planes anymore. Thanks to those weakling peanut-allergy sufferers, all we get are either horrible pretzels or the detestable "party mix," which is basically pretzels with a Cheez-It and a bagel chip thrown in.

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