House
Autopsy

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Crossing The Line

House and Cuddy then have the following exchange:

House: Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?
Cuddy: Are you high?
House: It's Tuesday; I'm wasted!
Cuddy: It's Wednesday.

I love it! This episode had too few of those exchanges and too much of the malicious sniping that isn't quite so much fun. I hope House's hay fever is gone by next week so that we can all lighten up a little. Anyway, House's plan is to induce hypothermic cardiac arrest (i.e. freeze Andie to death). Then they'll take out half of her blood and pour it right back in, which will somehow "re-fuse the brain" while Andie's having an MRI done on her head. She'll only be dead for a little while, House promises. And if they don't do it, Andie will be dead pretty soon anyway. Not Jesus-dead, either. Permanent-dead. Cuddy says that they need FDA approval for invasive diagnostic surgery, and House starts to point out that this surgery isn't invasive, but he gets stuck in about-to-sneeze mode. He recovers, and then says that, while he is killing Andie, he's not cutting into her. So technically, it's not invasive: "If it works, she lives!" That's enough for Cuddy. But only if Andie's mom understands that it's very, very unlikely that this will work. House says he'll make sure Wilson keeps her informed, since House sure as hell won't be talking to anyone.

We get to see Wilson's much-lauded bad-news-delivering skills in action as he tells Mom that they're going to "reboot" Andie, like a computer. I've got to say, I'm not really impressed here. Maybe the strain of dealing with an especially cranky House is affecting Wilson. "We shut her down, then restart her," Wilson says. "How do you 'restart' a nine-year-old girl?" Mom asks. Duh, Mom -- you press the Ctrl-Alt-Del keys at the same time. Unless Andie is a Mac, in which case you have to hit the apple key and then something else and really, you get much faster results by just pulling the plug and then putting it back in. That's what I do these days. Anyway, to restart a human, you freeze her until her heart stops, as cooling minimizes the damage done when they remove half her blood and then put it back. "It's called re-fusing the circuit," Wilson says. With the MRI going, this should give them a very brief window to see the clot. Maybe. IF they see it, and IF it's operable, they'll take it out, and Andie will live another year. That's a lot of "if"s right there.

Wilson gives House the signed parental consent forms. House is busy playing Philip Marlowe with his jaded look and mood-setting flipping of a single playing card and the ridiculously un-subtle shadow around his entire face except for a bar of light across his eyes. Either this episode's director is a recent film-school graduate, eager to try out all the toys at his disposal and recreate his favorite movies, or...I don't know what the other reason could be, actually. Maybe the guy thought he was working on an HBO show. House is feeling a little better after taking a cold-medicine cocktail. He asks Wilson what Andie said about the surgery. Wilson says that Andie doesn't need to know the specifics about the surgery. House says that if Andie is as brave as everyone thinks she is, then she's mature enough to understand and make an informed choice about her surgery. She "deserves" to know what they're going to do to her. Surely this has nothing to do with House's thinking he deserved to know that, as soon as he went into a coma, they were going to cut up his leg. I mean, that wouldn't be very fair, considering that House was well into adulthood when that happened to him, whereas Andie is nine. Mature or not, there's no way she can comprehend the kind of stuff you'd need to in order to be able to make this decision. House then looks up at Wilson and his eyes fall off frame because the camera is way too close again.

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