Cuddy has her latest patient bent over the examining table while she inspects the ins and outs of his ass. The diagnosis is hemorrhoids. The patient protests that there sure was a lot of bleeding for hemorrhoids, and wonders if it's cancer. Does he want cancer? Otherwise, shut up and go buy some Prep H. House walks right on into the room, giving the Clinic's staff and visitors a chance to weigh in on the hemorrhoids/ass cancer debate themselves. Fifteen people voted for hemorrhoids, while one desk secretary voted for the ass cancer. This was followed by a second vote, in which everyone voted to have the desk secretary fired so that their armchair diagnosis would be unanimous.
Back in the examining room, House tells Cuddy that her method of protecting his job has thus far been wholly unsuccessful. Cuddy says that's the way things go when you actively speak out against the man who signs everyone's paychecks. Vogler gave the hospital a lot of money that will save a lot of lives and, more importantly, buy a lot of plasma TVs. And while House is a great doctor, he's just not worth $100 million. Meanwhile, Mr. Bloody Hemorrhoids struggles to get his pants on over the lumpy mess of his ass.
House talks to the small cell lung cancer treatment clinical trials guy that Wilson apparently tracked down for him. The guy says that Naomi's case looks too advanced for his drug. House says that if he wanted easy cases, he probably should have picked a different specialty. It's an earnest attempt at jocularity, made with little of the usual dry sarcasm and even a genuinely friendly smile, but clinical trials guy just frowns at House. House crosses him off his mental list of Potential New Oncologist Friends and sighs. Clinical Trials Guy asks if Naomi is in otherwise good health, and House says that she is, which is true, except for the part about her being seven months pregnant. House and the trials guy agree to start Naomi on the treatment in two days.
The Cottages follow House down the hall. Foreman less-than-patiently explains that pregnant women cannot participate in clinical trials. House says that Naomi won't be pregnant when she starts, because she's having a C-section. Chase points out that people who have had major surgery less than thirty days ago are also not allowed to participate in clinical trials. Those clinical trials sure have strict guidelines! House says that the definition of "major" is relative. Both Foreman and Chase have problems with this. House says he'll let Naomi know about the risks of starting an untested drug right after surgery. Clinical Trials Guy, on the other hand, can be left in the dark.