House
Babies & Bathwater

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Cameron-Free is the Way to Be!

Nighttime. A car drives down a street. Inside, its passenger asks the driver whether his drunkenness led him to "say anything stupid." If you have to ask, you probably did. The driver exposits that her current pregnant condition automatically makes her the designated driver for nine months, and the passenger says he can't wait for their baby to arrive. Then all kinds of bad stuff happens in the woman's brain, making her temporarily lose consciousness and swerve into oncoming traffic. She regains control and pulls the car over without incident. Then a cop pulls up behind them and asks the woman if she's been drinking. Her negative response is slurred and slow, and the cop asks her to step out of the vehicle. She accomplishes this, and then collapses. The husband is worried about his wife and their baby. The cop is worried about all the extra paperwork he'll have to do now.

By the end of the opening credits, everyone has gotten to the hospital, where Foreman informs the couple that they've ruled out brain stuff as the source of her difficulties, but the bloodwork on her kidneys and liver show they're not working too well. Naomi the Wife is terrified that this means preeclampsia, something she's fairly familiar with, having miscarried three times (although never having been far enough along to get preeclampsia, I'm sure she read a little bit about it). Foreman tells her not to get ahead of herself, and orders a few more tests.

Outside, Foreman meets Chase, who's wondering where everyone else is. He hasn't seen House or Cameron all day. He'd better get used to not seeing Cameron around. I know I have.

House, on the other hand, is very much still around, and is currently giving Vogler the bad news that he has stage four cancer, and that it has spread to his liver. Vogler sincerely thanks him for being "so good" to him, and apologizes for treating him so badly. House gets up and walks behind Vogler to give him a reassuring shoulder massage, and -- this is a pretty awesome little detail -- he has no limp, telling us right there that we are in House Fantasy Land, as opposed to, say, Wilson Fantasy Land, where House still has trouble walking, but for different reasons. House tells Vogler that he ordered him an "extra-jumbo-size coffin" just in case the experimental drug treatment doesn't go well, and then he's pulled out of dreamland by Foreman's voice.

House wakes up on an exam-room bed. He apologizes for napping during working hours, explaining that he was up late looking at internet porn, which is apparently what having awkward conversations with Cameron drives him to do. Or maybe that part came before it. Or maybe I shouldn't have used the word "came." Anyway, Chase asks House why he isn't in his office, and Foreman figures out pretty quickly that House is hiding from Vogler, which is pathetic. Chase doesn't go quite that far, and simply says that Vogler's bound to find House sooner or later. "I'm okay with later," says House. Foreman gives him Naomi's chart and runs down her stats. The only drug she's on was for incontinence, which Foreman says they took her off, but that there was "no change." Well, I'm sure something changed, although it was probably more apparent to the janitorial staff than anyone else. Chase thinks it's preeclampsia. House thinks it's pregnancy-related autoimmunity, and says it's too bad the immunologist on their team quit last night. Wow, the one time Cameron's alleged medical knowledge might come in handy, and she's not even there! What are the odds? Foreman and Chase snap to attention at the mention of Cameron's quitting, although Foreman is the only one to actually ask about it. House orders some blood tests and an MRA to check for the vasculitis Naomi won't have, and then downs a few pills. Foreman uses the pause to say that he doesn't think Cameron quit at all, but rather was fired because House couldn't "swallow [his] pride" and deliver Vogler's speech. House responds by ordering a few more tests for Naomi and telling them to get to work.

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