Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 1 USERS: B+

House has now sprung Alvie on that poor Jane Doe. If she did have her wits about her, I'm sure she'd have a serious problem with her doctor telling a former mental patient about her case and making her hang out with him. They had no luck at the heart monitor shop, so House walks her around the area, asking if anything looks familiar. "Sorry," Jane says. "It's okay, Miss X," Alvie says sweetly. House ignores his patient's problems to focus on Alvie, asking why he's having immigration problems when he's Puerto Rican and thus a US citizen. Alvie explains that he lost his birth certificate and can't get a new one because the records hall where it was stored burned down a long time ago. He could have gotten a new one by filling out a few forms, but instead he tried to forge it. The INS figured out it was a fake, most likely because it was written in magenta ink and everything on it rhymed, thus causing Alvie's current self-induced problems. Jane finally speaks up to ask what happens if her memory doesn't come back. House says sooner or later, someone who knows her will come looking for her and fill her in. "I don't know who that is, but I miss him," she says. Way to assume it's a guy, Jane, you amnesiac homophobe. House ignores her again, asking Alvie about a hearing he's supposed to attend to prove his Puerto Ricanity. Alvie says he skipped it since he didn't think anyone would believe him anyway, and then he gets distracted by some donuts. He says everyone loves donuts, so he's sure that Jane stopped by the donut store all the time and will probably be recognized by someone there. House actually agrees, because it makes sense that a super-fit ultramarathoner would eat donuts with such regularity that they know her by name. And yet, when she walks in, the lady behind the counter asks if she wants "the usual." House explains that he assumed an ultramarathoner would need a "calorically dense food." Yes, but not DONUTS. Who wrote this? Someone who has no concept of exercise and proper eating? Yes, you need to eat a ton of calories and some of your diet has to consist of carbs and fats, but donuts are really not where you want to get them from. Anyway, the donut lady doesn't know Jane's name, but she does know she came in with a guy who left his business card and won free donuts. And that's how they get to Jane's house. Her name is actually Sydney, and the man she lives with is her very worried husband. He's in for a shock.

After the commercial, Sydney examines the many running medals and trophies that she proudly displays on her living room wall like an asshole. I mean, seriously? Does the world really need to know about your 2nd place finishes in the Princeton 10K run? Way to not improve over time, by the way. The husband says he called around local hospitals looking for Sydney, but didn't even consider PPTH because "it's a long way to run, even for her." Huh? It's in Princeton and so, it appears, are they. And she's an ultramarathoner (although all she competes in, according to her Wall of 2nd Place, are 10Ks), so I'd think that she'd be running like 30 miles a day. Sydney asks what she does "besides run." Husband says she's a lawyer dealing mostly in civil rights cases and class action suits, a job her husband says is "stressful," so running is her outlet. Yes, well, clearly she isn't stressing over her inability to get 1st place in the Princeton 10k year after year. "That doesn't sound like me," Sydney says. House points out that she has no idea who she is, so that's a stupid thing to say. "Good point," Sydney says to House, looking at him admirably. House tells Nolan that Sydney felt more comfortable with him than with her husband, and her husband could tell. Nolan asks if House liked the fact that Sydney had a connection with him. He maintains that she's "just a patient."

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