Big Baby

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 1 USERS: B+
Special Education

Chase and Foreman have lunch together and talk about completely different things while not paying attention to each other. They both have woman issues. Chase isn't sure how he feels about his girlfriend having all this power now, and notes that she's even starting to dress like Cuddy. Which is hilariously true, although Cameron's rocking the Puritan Cuddy look and not the Slutty Cuddy style. Sorry, Chase. Foreman's issue is the one that gets talked about because Chase looks like a homeless man today. Greasy, stringy hair, five o'clock shadow ... would you trust this guy to operate on you? I wouldn't. Anyway, Foreman says he knows that Hadley is on the placebo, and Chase sternly says he can't tell her, or else he'll compromise the entire trial and screw over all the other patients. Like poor Janice. Foreman says he doesn't want to tell her -- he wants to put her on the real drug. Well, gee, I guess the way to get the real drugs in a clinical trial is to sleep with the guy in charge. And that's probably why Hadley's doing this after all, since it can't be because she has any chemistry with Foreman. Since she doesn't. Chase warns Foreman not to be an idiot, but since the danger music is playing I'm guessing this is falling on deaf ears.

They're doing the fake total body irradiation on the patient, who's wondering why she's lying around with seemingly nothing happening while Hadley and Taub are in the booth, lying that they've already started the procedure. Taub tells her to shut up because he and Hadley are busy watching what appears to be Fletch and they don't need any of the patient's chitter-chatter interrupting them. But then the patient has to pee, so they let her out to go to the bathroom. But on this show, I think we all know that having the urge to pee only means bad times, so when the patient raises herself up off the slab, she promptly collapses on the floor. Taub and Hadley rush to her aid, only to find that she has no pulse. In House's world, even fake total body irradiation is deadly. And that also means that she doesn't have ITP. But at least she isn't bleeding out of her ass like all the other patients do when they say they have to use the bathroom. Hadley manages to zap the patient back to life, but not before calling out her name -- which is Sara. HOORAY! A patient named Sara! Best name ever! And if it's supposed to be spelled Sarah, I don't care! The H is wasteful!

After the break, the team checks out various image of Sara's heart, looking for a problem. Hadley tries to find a connection, saying maybe Sara started to pee and that somehow caused an arrhythmia that stopped her heart. House just wants to know why someone would stop to pee in the middle of what she thinks is a nuclear procedure. Fuck you, House. Some Saras have small bladders. Everyone's waiting to see what he thinks of Hadley's idea, though, so he angrily says that it sucks because people don't die from peeing. Not unless they're really, really unlucky. What an embarrassing way to go that would be. Hadley comes up with yet another diagnosis, noting that both of Sara's attacks happened when she was in a cold room. Apparently, the special ed classroom's heater was broken that day, as if those kids don't have it hard enough. What a crappy school. Anyway, Hadley's diagnosis of cold agglutinin disease fits, as Foreman is quick to point out, and House says they'll stick Sara in an ice bath and see if she has a heart attack. Since this is unnecessarily dangerous and potentially fatal, House will have to get permission from Cameron.

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