House

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Nailed

Chase, Kumar, and Taub are at Nicole's bedside. A CT scan confirmed her gallstones, which in rare cases can apparently turn ridiculously lethal. Chase is about to prep Nicole for surgery when he notices her catheter bag is full of dark brown liquid, which means her kidneys are failing. Way to notice, PPTH staff. Shameful. Taub helplessly says Nicole's kidneys were fine the last time he checked a few hours ago, as if that makes any difference. Nicole may have gallstones, but those aren't what's killing her.

Wilson and House are back on the road. House is on the phone, and he's claiming that he never thought it was gallstones in the first place. "You said steamroller!" Kumar says. Aw, he was so proud of himself for figuring out the metaphor, wasn't he? House cares more about begging Wilson to give up on the funeral than he does Nicole, saying the funeral's been over for two hours and they seem to be lost in this neighborhood anyway, as they've passed "that colonial with the cross burning out front" three times already. Ah, but they're in Kentucky (I think Cuddy said the funeral was in Lexington), which means there are many colonials with crosses burning out front. I doubt it's the same colonial. Wilson claims he knows where he's going, and House gets back to his phone call, saying he was thinking that the pancreatic cyst could be connected to other organs, affecting them "like a steamroller." But how can they prove this? "Bubbles!" Hadley suddenly says. "Is that your new stripper name?" House asks, because you can't just pipe up with a random word like that without getting made fun of. "Yes. And also we inject bubbles into the cyst and follow where they drift," Hadley says, not missing a beat. I do like how she usually reacts to House's teasing by not giving him the satisfaction of getting pissed off. If the air bubbles go to Nicole's other organs, they'll know that's what's causing her problems, cut the cyst out, and Nicole will be just fine. I don't think shooting tiny air bubbles into someone's body can be all that safe, but House likes it. He hangs up the phone just as Wilson's pulling up to a funeral home, much to House's disappointment.

The Cottages try to perform the bubble test, but unfortunately, Nicole's feeling the pain of alcohol withdrawal and shaking uncontrollably. They all roll their eyes. Such empathy!

House and Wilson enter the funeral home, where several mourners and formally-outfitted military officials are milling around. Wilson tries not to smile as he says it looks like they didn't miss the funeral after all. And then House's mother sees him, so there's no turning back. She walks up and gives him a warm hug that he doesn't really return. She gushes that it's great to see him here and sincerely thanks Wilson for being the person who brought him. Wilson loves being needed. House better watch out that his mother doesn't try to marry Wilson. House asks his mother how she could delay the funeral like this, when he was so counting on her not to. And when her husband was so into things being on time. "Your dad is dead! He's not going to care," Mother House says, not looking one bit like the sad widow I think she's supposed to be. Or like House's mother. She only looks like ten years older than he does! House tries to get out of the eulogy, but Mother House demands that House deliver it. "I don't care that you didn't like him. He was your father, and he loved you. The war is over, Greg. Please do this for me," she says. What is her problem? Why is she being so pushy? I don't like Mother House. And then she lectures Wilson not to look so worried, since she "knows" House will make her proud. Way to put all those expectations on your son who had to be drugged to even be here, Mother House. I'm so sure things will work out just the way you planned.

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House

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