House

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Nailed

Taub starts to insist that House call his mother, like it's any of Taub's business. House responds to this by noting the presence of bags underneath Taub's eyes and assuming they came from an all-night confession of adulterous guilt. Taub rightly accuses House of deflection. Kumar just wants to know all the details about Taub and his wife's state of affairs, because he's ridiculously nosy like that. Taub will only admit that his told his wife about his cheating and that they're talking things through. What is there to talk about, Taub's wife? While you were sneaking around to buy your husband a luxury car, he was cheating on you and had to quit his cushy plastic surgeon job because of it. Kick him to the curb! You can do better.

Unlike anyone else, Foreman is actually reading through the new patient Nicole's file. There's not much information to get from her hospital stay in China, as that part of the file is written in Chinese. While I'm pretty sure House knows Chinese since he knows every other language, he gives the job of translating the charts to Kumar, since he's "sort of Asian" (House, on the other hand, is "sort of Assian"). Hadley has a diagnosis suggestion I'm not going to bother to look up how to spell since it's bound to be wrong anyway. The first diagnosis is almost never right, and Hadley is always wrong. Put those two statistics together and you have a 0% chance of a correct diagnosis. House likes her idea, if only because it gives him an excuse to go do something besides call his mother, and even volunteers to run the ultrasound that will either prove or disprove the diagnosis himself. Foreman tells him to deal with his dead dad, but House simply says "I'm not deflecting because I'm avoiding something deep. I'm deflecting because I'm avoiding something shallow ... I didn't even like the man." Okay, but doesn't he like his mother? He should call her back for her sake at least.

House performs the ultrasound around Nicole's fresh Chinese surgery scar. He's so desperate not to think about anything dead-dad-related that he actually makes conversation with Nicole, asking her why she was in China in the first place. She says she was looking for her biological parents, who ended up denying her existence. With that, she coughs in House's face and he remembers why he usually avoids patients at all costs. "Four parents and not one of them taught you to cover your mouth," House grumbles. Speaking of parents, along come Nicole's adoptive parents, looking concerned about their daughter's welfare. Wow, a patient with a caring, concerned family? That's so rare on this show! The father introduces himself to House and hands him a big box of Nicole's many medications despite House's protests that he's just a technician and not a doctor. Meanwhile, it looks like Dad went a little overboard on the medication-collecting. He basically took anything liquid, including mouthwash and bleach. Confronted with the possibility of acquiring illegal drugs, House admits he is a doctor so the dad will leave Nicole's stash in his hot little hands. Nicole is furious that her parents searched her apartment (wait 'til she finds out that the Cottages did, too, and Foreman probably ate the food in her fridge while he was at it), to which Mom says they found alcohol there even though Nicole claimed she was sober. Quietly, Dad asks House if Nicole's drinking could have caused her current condition. House quickly says no. Dad asks House to lie that it did. Yeah, because the threat of health problems really stop addicts. Just ask the guy dying of lung cancer who still smokes three packs a day.

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House

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