House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Nailed

Back from break, Wilson is revving up his battery-less flashlight in an effort to find his keys. House notes that Wilson has an impressive amount of emergency supplies in his trunk, and he does. He has emergency supplies for emergency supplies. Meanwhile, I live in an earthquake zone, and all I have in my trunk is a soccer ball and a dead bee. Wilson puts me to shame. "When things go wrong, I like to be ready," Wilson explains. Ah, see, there's the problem. He said "when," not "if." He's expecting there to be an emergency he will need his supplies for. I've decided that IF I'm ever in some kind of emergency, there will be a Starbucks within walking distance for me to go to. Because there's always a Starbucks within walking distance. Unless you're in my hometown, which won't let Starbucks build there because they'd rather stare at a shack of a bakery that's been closed for ten years since its owner died. But everywhere else, Starbucks. So I'll be just fine. I guess Wilson can pretty much assume that disasters will happen to him when he does silly things like ask House to hold his flashlight while he fishes around in the grate for his keys. Guess what House does? He stuffs the flashlight down the drain, where it will keep the keys company. Wilson is pissed, and gives House exactly what he wanted in the first place: attention. He says House has not only lost his car keys, but also his house keys, and on the keychain Amber gave him. Wilson is again being stupid not to realize that if House has his floormats memorized, he's definitely got his keychain memorized, so he knows it's a simple dealer keychain. While Wilson looks around in his trunk for the back-up to his back-up batteryless flashlight, House wonders what kind of man lies about a gift from a dead girlfriend. Wilson says he was just responding to a "childish, pointless act of petulance." House doesn't deny the childish part, but says, with hilarious intensity, "the struggle to resist one's captors is never pointless!"

Wilson tells House that he can stop trying to delay them, since Mother House told him that she'd hold up the funeral until House arrived. Well, that's just embarrassing. You're going to make the people who cared enough to turn out for the funeral sit around for hours waiting for the dead guy's son to show up? Is this really the best way to honor Father House? Did he even want House at his funeral? I'm starting to wonder who all this is really for. House doesn't believe Wilson, saying his father was a stickler for timeliness, to the point where he'd withhold dinner if you were two seconds late for it. Father House must have spent the last years of his life being really, really, REALLY angry at airports. One time, I showed up for a flight and they told me it had been delayed FOR SEVEN HOURS. I almost missed a wedding! Maybe that's what killed Father House. House begs Wilson to call a locksmith so they can hang out with the cool truckers, but Wilson produces his keychain on the end of a wire hanger he just happened to have in his trunk, because you never know when you're going to encounter the disaster of Joan Crawford. Wilson says he doesn't want to do any hanging out. "I'm delivering you to your mother and that's it. I've moved on," he claims. But if he'd really moved on, he would have made sure Cuddy injected House with enough knockout drugs to keep him unconscious for the entire car ride.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18Next

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP