House
Black Hole

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Weird Science

Back in the meeting room, Foreman sums things up: Abby is not allergic to Nick's semen, but her kidneys are now failing. Taub and Hadley come up with quickly-dismissed diagnoses (Hadley's guess of a blood clot in someone who is currently on anticoagulant drugs was especially stupid. She's not even trying anymore) and then Chase suggests cancer, but can't be more specific about where it is. That usually doesn't matter to House, who hears "cancer" and signs his patients up for chemotherapy immediately except for that one time last week when his patient was too far gone for chemotherapy and then ended up not having cancer anyway. Perhaps having learned something from that, he demands that the Cottages find the cancer before they decide to treat her for it. Foreman says they could do a full body scan. "We hate full body scans," House says. No, the insurance companies hate full body scans. Why would House have such strong feelings about them? It seems to me like they could only help. Unless, of course, the machine doing the scanning is the same one that found a spot on Abby's mitral valve that ended up being nothing. Foreman points out that as bad as House thinks full body scans are, Abby dying would be a tad bit worse.

Abby returns to the MRI (OF DOOOM!!), which can't possibly end well for her. She somehow managed to emerge from it unscathed once, but that will not happen twice. In the booth, Taub talks to Foreman about his marital problems, specifically asking how he can prove to his wife that he isn't cheating. I don't think anyone in the entire world (or, in keeping with this week's theme, the universe) cares less about this than Foreman, whose suggestions that Taub not cheat or take Mrs. Taub with him everywhere he goes all the time so she can see for herself that he isn't cheating aren't very practical. Foreman then says that Taub should be happy that his wife is worried about whether or not he's faithful because it means she "still cares." Yeah, that's one way to look at it. The other is Taub's, who says he just wants Mrs. Taub to be happy. Foreman rolls his eyes and decides that Taub only wants Mrs. Taub to be happy if it makes Taub happy, too. Well, Taub, that's what you get for going to Foreman for relationship advice. Why not try Multiple Marriages Wilson next, or Forced To Settle Cuddy?

House returns home to find the entire apartment furnished. Not just furniture, but art pieces, vases, and like 10,000 lights, all of which are on. Their electricity bill is going to be nasty this month. Also, despite the fact that every square inch of the apartment is covered in either light fixtures or sofas, it's not even very bright in there. Way to put 20 Watt bulbs in all of the lamps in an obvious attempt to set the mood, Wilson. Wilson emerges from his bedroom and asks House what he thinks of Wilson's clear ability to purchase furniture. House does not seem happy to be wrong. Maybe it's because he knows how difficult it's going to be for him to maneuver around all of those couches and lamps with his bad leg. By the way, speaking of Wilson's bedroom, doesn't he have furniture in there? I know we've seen his bed, so obviously Wilson has been able to purchase furniture in the past. Or maybe he took CTB's bed with him, but left the rest of her stuff behind? Whatever.

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