Black Hole

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
Weird Science

The Cottages return to the meeting room for more diagnosing. Hadley says that if Abby is hallucinating, then the problem must be in her brain. Chase begs to differ, saying that a brain problem can't split an aorta. Clearly, Chase doesn't believe in the awesome power of the mind. Foreman suggests it's something vascular (perhaps vasculitis?), but House stops paying attention to him in favor of Taub, who is texting his wife. "Whatcha doing?" he writes. That is grounds for divorce right there. I'd rather have my husband cheat on me than write like a teenage girl.

Suddenly, we're in a grocery store, where Mrs. Taub is checking out a sale on Windex. She texts back "groceries" to her husband, who immediately texts back "what r u wearing?" So clearly, this is not Taub anymore. "U don't want to know" Mrs. Taub texts back, like, if you have the time, energy, and desire for the apostrophe in "don't," then can't you spell out "you" as well? Come on. "Take off your shirt," says the next text. "R u nuts" says Mrs. Taub, who apparently has no time for question marks. Also, does she really need to buy a bottle of every single thing in the cleaning aisle? Their home didn't look that dirty. "Touch yourself," is the response, at which point it finally occurs to Mrs. Taub that someone got control of her husband's phone.

Sure enough, back in the meeting room, House holds Taub's phone up high where Taub can't reach it while he texts Taub's wife, promising him that this will only help his marriage. Foreman grabs the phone away from House and ruins his fun while at the same time forcing him to actually do his job as he says that a vascular-problem-caused brain aneurysm explains the hallucinations. Taub frantically texts his wife to tell her not to touch herself in the middle of the cleaning supplies aisle. House tells him that he can't force his wife to trust him, then asks the Cottages what Abby's hallucinations were of. Hadley doesn't understand how that can possibly help them, but House maintains that the brain knows what's wrong with our bodies before we do. For instance, he says, if you get an ulcer, you don't know it, but your brain does, and "increases mucin secretions" accordingly. Foreman says House is making quite a leap here, but Chase defends House's theory, pointing out that when you have to pee while asleep, you tend to dream about various forms of running water. Is that true? I don't think it's ever happened to me. I wish it would though, because I am really sick of that dream where I go out in public in my pajamas because I somehow forgot to put clothes on and then everyone in the mall stares at me because I am wearing boxer shorts, no shoes, and a giant T-shirt with no bra. Taub decides to entertain House's theory enough to tell him that Abby was hallucinating about being sucked into a black hole. "We should look for a tumor in her anus," he concludes awesomely. House ignores him and says they should hook Abby up to PPTH's Cognitive Pattern Recognition Program to get a peek at her subconscious. Foreman would rather check Abby's brain for aneurysms through the use of proven medical technology because he has no imagination. House tells him to do that, and when it comes up negative, they'll give the mind-reading machine that PPTH just happens to have in the basement a try.

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