Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 2 USERS: A
Raise Your Alien Hand If You're Sure

House returns to the lobby balcony and raps on the railing with his cane to get the attention of everyone below. "I have an announcement. As you go about your day, I'd like you to be aware of the fact that I slept with Lisa Cuddy!" And thank you, THANK YOU to whoever's idea it was to then cut to a prolonged reaction shot from all the extras below, because that was freaking awesome. Even though Evil Nurse Brenda is no longer on the show to have the best one. Actually, she would have thrown an egg at House before he had the chance to start talking, so I guess it's for the best. Anyway, we get some eyebrow raises, some dubious looks, and then one nurse who's all like: 8-O. Could that be the Bobbin Bergstrom I keep seeing in the credits but have no idea who she is on the show? I also love the receptionist with the blank stare, who put a no-doubt important call on hold to hear this. With that, Cuddy comes running out of the Clinic to find the entire lobby staring at her. One nurse whispers in her ear. Behind her, two employees run off like "shit's about to go down right here! I am outtie 5000. Peace!" The look on Cuddy's face when she gets the news is kind of scary, but House just walks away calmly, satisfied that he got the reaction he wanted. And then it goes to a commercial so we can all realize why people work at PPTH, a place with no standards and no security, where doctors are shot and/or taken hostage on a regular basis and important clinical trials for revolutionary drugs are ruined. It's because of moments like this and the awesome dinner table discussion they provide for months to come.

House is on his way to his office when Cuddy comes screaming down the hallway, just to make even more of a spectacle of herself today. Why not? She really doesn't have any dignity left to lose at this point. "THIS IS BEYOND ASSHOOD!" she says, catching up to him. Oh, but she's really upset. She's crying. "I can permit a lot of crap, but an employee shouting about his sexual exploits with me? NO! That is zero tolerance. So congratulations, House. I am angry!" House's response? "I was wondering if we should move in together." He is terrible at this. Cuddy laughs, but not really. There's no joy in that laugh. House smiles, thinking his plan worked even though he made Cuddy cry. "You're fired," she finally says. That wipes the smile off his face pretty quick.

And there's Eugene, watching from the door of House's office. "I think she likes you," he says. House just says if he's fired, then he certainly doesn't have to do any more Clinic duty. Eugene follows House to the elevator, and House says he has acid reflux -- the acid hits the vocal cords, causing them to tense up and Eugene to make a squawking sound. He knew that from the beginning, but still used Eugene to get to Cuddy. And yet, Eugene thinks House is a great doctor. He writes Eugene a prescription (I guess he's allowed to write prescriptions even if he's fired, right? He's still a doctor), then notices Eugene moving his belt around. Eugene says if his belt buckle is in the same place for too long, he gets sore. House feels around Eugene's large belly, then tells him that he has a tumor. Eugene apparently has pancreatic cancer, which House's right brain figured out before the rest of him did when he kept thinking that Scott had pancreatic cancer. His left brain got it a little mixed up. Meanwhile, Eugene just got some really bad news. Pancreatic cancer caused acid reflux. The reflux caused the squawking. "So it's not good. Even for cancer, it's not good," Eugene says. "No, it's not," House says. And when your doctor says it's not good, it's really freaking not good. At this point, Taub comes running up to inform House that they found some chemical in Scott's deodorant that caused one kid in Singapore to develop a heart condition and seizures. Scott may have never needed his brain cut in half after all. Whoops! Eugene is still standing there, reeling. House tells Taub to give him a pancreatic scan, "and stay with him," he adds kindly, forgetting in his concern for Eugene that the man is impossible to get rid of.

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