House

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It's All In Your Head
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Guys, it's official: I liked House's hair better when it was longer. Okay, onto the show. Police officers attempt to chase down a criminal who is wise to the ways of parkour. Oh, House, no. The Office just made fun of how passé parkour is like four weeks ago. This is embarrassing! Also, show me one criminal in America (or even Europe) who actually uses parkour to escape the police. Anyway, the guy runs through various warehouses and actually seems to make his getaway more difficult than it needs to be by jumping across stacks of pallets rather than just running on the ground. Finally, he appears to be at a dead end and the cops draw their guns. And then they just watch him slide through a partially-open window. Shoot him, idiots. Anyway, the guy keeps running and the cops keep chasing him and this is just embarrassing for the cops. It's one guy being chased by like thirty cops through two warehouses. Once again he appears to be surrounded and once again, he climbs away to escape as the cops watch him with their guns drawn. In the end, the criminal is on one roof and the rebel bad-ass cop is on the other (we know he's the rebel bad-ass because he's wearing a leather jacket and street clothes while the others are wearing suits or uniforms). Unfortunately, his name is Donny, which is not very bad-ass at all. While the perp watches in disbelief and his partner yells for him to stop, Donny gets a running start and tries to jump to the other building. He doesn't make it. Not even close. He lands on his back about two stories below where he started.

And yet, he lives! But with two broken bones, a collapsed lung, and a severe concussion. And he's under Cameron's care in the ER even though I thought she worked for Foreman now. Also, way to not cut off Donny's clothes there, EMTs and ER staff. He has a broken leg and his pants are almost entirely intact. Maybe PPTH ran out of hospital gowns? Donny's partner, who is nursing some kind of ankle injury due to his inability to climb stairs, tells Cameron that Donny thinks he's going to die soon, hence the life-threatening stunts. Donny explains that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather all dropped dead from heart problems just after turning forty, and he's turning forty in a week. But all the doctors he's seen about it say his heart is fine. He just thinks that means they can't find whatever is waiting to kill him. Cameron says she knows a doctor who can.

Wilson walks into his living room in the morning to find his roommate fiddling around under the covers. Horrified, Wilson promises to come back in ten minutes when House has finished jacking off on Wilson's couch. House claims he's just picking lint out of his belly-button. Wilson doesn't care -- just the idea of walking in on House pleasing himself is enough to make him realize that House needs his own bedroom. Fortunately, the apartment has a spare room that Wilson was using as a study. Unfortunately, said room used to be Wilson and CTB's bedroom, which House says is a "shrine" to his dead girlfriend. And rightly so, I'd say, since I'm pretty sure that Wilson is living in CTB's old apartment because of squatter's rights. While Wilson is clearly thinking about CTB, House proudly admits that he really was jacking off under the covers, just to put that image in Wilson's head alongside the dead ex-girlfriend. Wilson says the room is House's and runs away.

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House

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