Group therapy time! Beasley introduces (or in Alvie's case, re-introduces) the two new arrivals to the group and Alvie stands up and seriously I am going to throw my TV out the freaking window if he doesn't shut the fuck up. Ha! Beasley calls House "Greg." That sucks. House insta-diagnoses his fellow group therapy patients with claustrophobia (we put people in mental hospitals for that?), paranoia, anorexia (the same guy who wanted Haldol is also apparently anorexic. Don't they have dedicated care facilities for anorexics that would probably serve him better?), and a suicide attempt. Beasley gently informs him that some subjects are not to be brought up in group therapy, to which House apologizes, saying he feels so bad about breaking a rule on his first day that he wants to kill himself. Way to mess with the system, House! They'll surely have no choice but to let you out now. No one can stand that much wit! Beasley ends the group session all of two minutes after it began and the other patients take off to be with more pleasant people, like Catatonic Gabby. Beasley smirks that House isn't the first uncooperative patient they've had in Ward Six. "Really? Is there a club?" asks House. Beasley says there is, in fact, and invites House to come to the clubhouse. I wouldn't do that, House.
I guess he has no choice, as an orderly escorts him to a padded room and leaves his cane outside the door. "That didn't take long," the orderly smirks. "I'm that good," House says. I don't think it really takes a whole lot of skill to get sent to the rubber room at a mental hospital, but it seems kind of harsh when all he did was make one or two suicide jokes.
When House is let back out, he goes to the yard, where his wardmates are playing a game of basketball while Beasley cheers them on from a bench. Really? She doesn't have anything better to do than be a cheerleader? I really think she worked way too hard to get through medical school for that. House sits down next to her and she tries to give him a warm smile instead of her usual smirk, saying she's honestly trying to help him. House tells her to drop the sweet and caring act because he isn't buying it. She ignores this and says if he wants to get out of this place, the easiest and fastest way is to follow the rules and talk to and open up to people and be tolerant of others for once. That's good advice except for the fact that his roommate is the most annoying character in the history of characters. House agrees to give it a try and walks towards the court. Alvie immediately calls him for his team. "Shut up. Nobody likes you," House says to him quietly enough so that Beasley can't hear. Alvie deflates. That was awesome. House turns and faces off against the claustrophobic guy, getting in his face and crowding him until the poor guy is in a fetal position on the ground and gives House his basketball so he'll go away. House walks towards the paranoid guy and tells him that the CIA satellites are watching him because of his green sweatshirt, which the guy immediately removes. Oh come on. Just because he's paranoid doesn't mean he's stupid. He's not going to believe just anyone's conspiracy theory. House spins around and tells Hal that he's looking fat today. Hal runs off and House turns to Susan the suicidal girl, who I don't think is even playing basketball so this isn't really fair, asking her how it felt to wake up in the ER still alive and now knowing that she failed at suicide, too. She just turns and walks away but doesn't crumble into a million pieces or anything. With the court now empty of everyone except Alvie, who can't or won't get a clue, House simply makes an easy shot and shoots Beasley a look that says "see? I am such a badass. Look at how I take out the easiest of targets!"