He returns to Mayfield after hours, and yet, there's Lydia in the common room, crying. Crying because she's locked in because the staff apparently forgot she was there and now visiting hours are over? Crying because Franka Potente heard such good things about this show but is appearing in an episode like this? House assumes she's crying over him. He says he pushed her away and he tends to do that to people because he's afraid. Hooray. House is in touch with his feelings now. Lydia says she isn't crying over House, but herself. That makes sense. Lydia is nothing if not self-centered. She says she brought Gabby's cello to the hospital in the hopes that she'd snap out of her decade-long catatonia and play in the talent show. Well, she didn't, and now Lydia thinks she's "pathetic." House says everyone is, and that's what makes life interesting. Lydia says she's sick of things being interesting. Then stop visiting your friend every day in the mental hospital. At what point does it stop being a supportive gesture for a friend and start being self-flagellation? Or, apparently, a way to meet hot boys.
House offers Lydia a hand. She takes it and stands up and they hug. House hangs up his cane so he can have both arms free to hug her back. They start swaying to the music that isn't there. And then they find an empty room (that House somehow has to keys to. Okay ... ) and have sex on a chair while mostly-clothed. House cries at the end. Maybe it's because he knows he has terrible taste in women. A woman who would cheat on her husband with a current mental hospital patient? Not a prize.
And just to follow this all up with more ridiculousness, it's time for the talent show. Beasley and glasses girl do a dance number together to "Macarena," because that's a great idea. Put the psychiatrist in a skimpy dance outfit and have her perform for the patients. They'll never be able to take her seriously again. They end the performance by lifting up their skirts and shaking their butts at the crowd. Group therapy should be interesting. Next up, Hal, Paranoia, and the other guy who never gets any lines sing "You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You," which is kind of a sad song choice. To the best of our knowledge, no one loves these guys, so they must be nobodies. And then the other guy who never gets any lines does a cool little performance where he uses his own body as a drum. Finally, it's Alvie's turn. He takes the stage confidently and introduces DJ Paranoia, who gives him a beat. He gets out a few verses before drawing a blank. It's awkward until House speaks up from the back and finishes the verse. Oh, no. House is rapping, too. Alvie continues for a bit, calling himself a "manic Hispanic" and saying he's "trying to make it work but the doctors think he's lazy and" he draws another blank and looks pleadingly at House for some more help. "My roommate is a jerk," he says. Alvie suddenly "pages" House to the stage with him. House says no, but soon takes the stage. Which isn't too surprising since there's a second microphone waiting for him right there! The best part of the entire scene is the shot of the nurse behind the window clapping along. And then there's the Alvie/House rap duet that is just embarrassing. This is not the character I showed up to watch every week for five seasons. It is the actor, though, so that helps. Oh man. It ends with House bopping to the beat and taking a bow with Alvie. Lydia is an appreciative audience.