House
House

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Sara M: A- | 1346 USERS: B-
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Paranormal And Paraplegics

In the Meeting Room, the Cottages run down the medical history of their latest patient. Clancy was conceived via an in vitro fertilization, which had to be done since Clancy's mother's ovaries where stolen when she was abducted by the alien spaceship in Season 2. Oh, sorry -- that's the X-Files again. Foreman makes sure to point out that House is "0 for 1" since returning to work, and Cameron interrupts Foreman to guess that Clancy's bleeding was caused by sexually abuse. The resulting trauma made him believe that aliens did it instead of his father or whoever. Foreman says that the ER ran a rape kit and found no evidence of that. Way to read the file there, Cameron. Chase wants to talk to Clancy directly because he thinks there might be a chance that he really was abducted by aliens. Oh, dear. House doesn't doubt that aliens are out there somewhere, but he does doubt that they'd shove things up our butts, so this theory is thrown out. Lame, House -- what if aliens have mouths where we have buttholes and they're just trying to feed us? You never know with aliens. Foreman thinks that they're looking at a linked bleeding disorder and neurological problem, but House shoots this down too, saying that they have no proof Clancy has a neurological disorder. He writes Clancy's alien hallucinations off as simple nightmares. Only House gets to have incredibly detailed hallucinations, I guess. House orders the Cottages to check Clancy out for a bleeding disorder and leave it at that.

Chase gets to do a bleeding time test on Clancy. While he's waiting to see how long it takes for a cut on Clancy's arm to stop bleeding , Clancy asks him whether the windows of his hospital room are locked to protect him from more alien abductions. Because aliens can't get through the glass or anything. They've mastered high-speed space travel, but when it comes to windows, they're totally stumped. They just fly into them and bounce off, like birds. Nice logic, seven-year-old. Mom immediately tells Clancy not to "bother" Chase with "this stuff," but Chase tells Clancy to keep going. Yeah, kid, and if your story is really good, Chase might even kiss you! Clancy tells him that the aliens put a chip in his neck to track him. They also like to stick something in between his ribs and move around his insides with it. "It hurts," Clancy reports. Well, yeah. Chase checks out the back of Clancy's neck and says, while not-too-subtlely winking at the parents, that he can get the chip out. Clancy is thrilled. Chase pretends to remove a chip and Clancy's smile fades: "I'm seven, not three; all you did was pinch my neck." I'll bet that kid still believes in Santa, though. Chase doesn't have much to say to this except "sorry." Don't lie to kids, Chase.

House

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