House
Cane & Able

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Paranormal And Paraplegics

The Pre-Credits Sequence of Doom features a boy, Clancy, who doesn't want to go to bed and his parents who don't want to deal with him, especially when he tells them that he's afraid to sleep because "they" might come and take him again. The parents unsympathetically tell him to go to bed and get over it, so Clancy turns to the comforts of his televsion and is alarmed to see the channels seemingly changing of their own accord. I'd be alarmed too -- those are some crappy shows Clancy's TV is tuning into. Jerry Springer, Blind Date, and "The Weather Station," fly by before the alien forces finally give up on finding something good to watch at this hour (guess they didn't come across that ubiquitous Magic Bullet infomercial that is absolutely captivating) and turn the television off. The house starts to rattle and shake, and then, in a scene you've seen many times before if you've ever watched The X-Files, Clancy's shutters fly open and a bright white light flashes into his room. And this is normally where the eerie X-Files theme music would start up, but since this is a medical mystery show and not a paranormal mystery/weird government conspiracies that I found tiresome and ultimately made me stop watching show, we cut to the next morning. Clancy's dad goes to wake him up for school, but Clancy isn't in his room. Instead, he's lying on the front lawn bleeding out of his ass where the alien probe was. Or maybe he's just another kid with an ass bleeding problem on this show. The real question here is why didn't anyone notice the small bleeding child lying on the front lawn for at least a few hours? Those are like the un-nosiest neighbors ever! Cue the eerie House theme music.

House begins the day in his usual post-ketamine coma way: a morning jog. He laces up his sneakers, grabs his iPod shuffle (not one of the fancy new kind, either; House is sorely out of date with iPod technology) and heads out. A few seconds go by, and House comes back inside. We can only see his crotch in this shot, but even Hugh Laurie's crotch has acting talent and you can see the disappointment and dread as his hand grabs his bad thigh. House goes to his closet and searches his coat pockets until he finds one with a bottle of pills in it. He dry swallows a few and stares at his old friend/nemesis, his cane, which is sitting in his closet, patiently waiting to be taken out and used again.

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House

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