House
Cane & Able

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Paranormal And Paraplegics

Chase gets to do a bleeding time test on Clancy. While he's waiting to see how long it takes for a cut on Clancy's arm to stop bleeding , Clancy asks him whether the windows of his hospital room are locked to protect him from more alien abductions. Because aliens can't get through the glass or anything. They've mastered high-speed space travel, but when it comes to windows, they're totally stumped. They just fly into them and bounce off, like birds. Nice logic, seven-year-old. Mom immediately tells Clancy not to "bother" Chase with "this stuff," but Chase tells Clancy to keep going. Yeah, kid, and if your story is really good, Chase might even kiss you! Clancy tells him that the aliens put a chip in his neck to track him. They also like to stick something in between his ribs and move around his insides with it. "It hurts," Clancy reports. Well, yeah. Chase checks out the back of Clancy's neck and says, while not-too-subtlely winking at the parents, that he can get the chip out. Clancy is thrilled. Chase pretends to remove a chip and Clancy's smile fades: "I'm seven, not three; all you did was pinch my neck." I'll bet that kid still believes in Santa, though. Chase doesn't have much to say to this except "sorry." Don't lie to kids, Chase.

Foreman and Chase report their findings to House: all tests show that Clancy has no bleeding disorder. House does not like this answer, and decides that Chase just screwed up the bleeding time test and sends Foreman off to do another one that will yield the results he is expecting. Poor Chase: screw up one test and no one ever believes in you again.

In the end, Foreman's bleeding time test turns out much differently than Chase's: Clancy's blood wouldn't clot. So it's a bleeding disorder after all, and Chase sucks at tests. House does not hesitate to point this out to Chase, who retorts that Foreman could have screwed up the test, not him. Foreman says that Chase may have confused the big hand and the little hand on his watch. "Oh, snap!" House That's So Ravens; "Foreman's playing the dozens." Wikipedia tells me that "the dozens" is "an African American oral tradition in which two acquaintances go head-to-head in a contest of often good-natured, ribald 'trash-talk.'" Because on this show, black people can't make friendly jabs without it being labeled as some facet of their culture. As Chase is neither African nor American, there's no way he can win this battle, and House advises him to give up. Cameron decides to actually do some work and says they can just do a bunch of lab tests to find out if Chase or Foreman is correct. Why didn't they do these lab tests in the first place instead of cutting up the kid's arm with a scalpel and seeing how long it took to stop bleeding? At this, Chase jumps up to take his turn at Foreman with a classic yo momma joke: "Yo momma's so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up." This is accompanied by hand gestures and a facial expression that must be seen to be believed. Foreman reacts with embarrassment for Chase. House, with shock followed by disgust. And Cameron just frowns and thinks about how mean Chase is to make fun of Foreman's sick mother. And all viewers under the age of twenty wonder what a "beeper" is.

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