House
Carrot or Stick

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Basic Training
until next month. Wow. Way to go, Chase. Also, way to go, Girl #2's parents. Surely they were at the wedding, too? And didn't wonder where their daughter disappeared to? Or notice that she was consuming alcoholic drinks? Who even brings a 17-year-old to a wedding of a family friend or work colleague anyway? I'm guessing Girl #2 isn't exactly family, what with her being white and both the bride and groom being black. Chase still doesn't believe Girl #2 isn't behind this, but she says she isn't even allowed to use social networking sites like Faceplace because her parents are afraid she'll meet sexual predators. So they're overly strict about her activity online, but they'll let her roam free at a wedding reception? Good job, parents.

Landon attempts to escape from PPTH, despite the fact that he's still in pain and that Driscoll is in the same room as him and trying to rat him out by calling on someone to stop Landon from leaving. Driscoll can't just tackle him himself because he's been tied to the bed since he tried to kill Martha. Foreman happens to be nearby and stops Landon before he can get far. A security guard wanders up eventually and takes over holding Landon back, causing him to drop the car keys that were in his hand. Martha recognizes them as her car keys, which Landon was presumably going to use to escape. Her attempt to show him that adults can be positive and kind didn't work after all -- he just saw it as an opportunity to distract her so he could steal her keys out of her pocket. Why is she putting them in her pocket in the first place? And how does whatever ridiculous outfit she's wearing today even have pockets? Foreman and Martha leave Landon to tend to Driscoll when he suddenly begins to cry out in pain. His legs hurt.

After the break, Foreman tells us that Driscoll's leg pain was a muscle cramp caused by low sodium which was, in turn, caused by kidney dysfunction. Well, at least Driscoll didn't pee blood, which is the usual sign of kidney problems on this show. Since neither Driscoll nor Landon are doing any better with the Lyme disease treatment, they can rule that out as a diagnosis. But Martha is more concerned with how she thought she was getting through to Landon, only for him to steal her stuff. And so it was that Martha was given her usual lesson in human behavior. Stay tuned for next week when the same thing happens.

Taub just wants to know why House is painting a toy with hot sauce. House says it's to discourage a certain someone from chewing on the toy. Burning a kid's mouth to teach her a lesson? What is he, Lisa Whelchel? I think that might count as abuse. Way to leave your kid with that, Cuddy. Also, Martha is wearing bright red leggings today. On what planet is that proper doctor attire? Or proper anybody attire? I guess if House can walk around wearing T-shirts and jeans and Cuddy can wear, like, nothing, then Martha's outfit is okay at PPTH.

She suggests arsenic poisoning, adding that she still has faith in human kindness since even if her interaction with Landon didn't help Landon, it had an effect on Driscoll, who was much nicer. House says arsenic is stupid, as is Martha's belief that she did and said anything to influence Driscoll's behavior. With that, he licks the toy and suffers the effects of hot sauce, which seem to be pretty unpleasant. This pleases him, as he knows the same thing will happen to Rachel. Martha whines about how she really did change Driscoll while Taub comes up with botulism poisoning, saying it could have been in the soil and gotten into both Driscoll and Landon's bloodstreams through their open wounds coming into contact with it. House says that sounds fine to him, and to treat them both for it.

Landon sort of apologizes to Martha, saying he had to take what could have been his only chance to escape PPTH and therefore the camp and Driscoll. Martha doesn't seem to care, saying Landon stole from her. Driscoll adds to the conversation by saying all of the kids at his camp are "manipulators" and you can't let your guard down around them. Landon takes exception to this, saying he's not like the "losers" at the camp. Martha thinks so, seeing as he stole her car keys and all. Wow, she certainly did change her opinion as soon as Landon's actions directly affected her. Landon says he may have "screwed up," but he's never been in any legal trouble; he came to Driscoll's camp when he was caught shoplifting petty things from a store by the storeowner, who then called Landon's DCS caseworker. Martha finds this strange, asking Driscoll why Landon is at Camp Misery when every other kid there was sent by a court order. Driscoll says he doesn't know.

Ugh, more of Chase. He finds the third and final girl, who also denies taking the picture of him. Also, like the other two girls, she doesn't look black, so ... which one is supposed to be the Chairman of the Board's niece? I guess he or his wife have white relatives after all? Anyway, Woman #3 is at least of age, although she has a boyfriend, and had him when she hooked up with Chase and the seventeen-year-old, which is just as wrong of her as it was of Chase. Maybe moreso, since I'm assuming that she actually knew the girl beforehand and thus must have also known that she was in high school. Chase thinks Woman #3 is making her boyfriend up so he won't figure out that she took the picture and hacked into his Faceplace account, so she shows Chase a picture of the guy she cheated on to prove that he's real, taken at her sister's recent birthday. For some reason, she chose to frame and display a picture of her and her boyfriend making out while her sister stands right next to them and stares creepily into the camera.

Martha's been doing some investigating on her own. She called Landon's DCS caseworker, and tells House that she figured out why Driscoll started being nicer to Landon -- and, she admits, it had nothing to do with what she said to him. Meanwhile, House is just like, "wait, what? What patient? I haven't been paying attention to my job all season now." Martha comes up with an excuse and wheels Landon and his bed out of the room so House can speak with Driscoll privately. House opens by saying Landon looks just like his mother, he assumes, since he clearly doesn't look like his father. Mostly because Landon is black and Driscoll is white, but House (well, Martha, actually) figured out that Driscoll is his long-lost father based on the fact that the DCS worker told them that Driscoll paid for Landon's stay at the boot camp, unbeknownst to Landon. I get that biracial kids can look more like one race than the other, but if they were going to go this route, why not cast a kid who looks like he could be biracial or actually is biracial? Because Tyler James Williams, who plays Landon, is not. So it's a little hard to believe, but whatever. Driscoll admits that House is right, but begs House not to tell Landon.

Back in the meeting room, House is a wee bit annoyed that they wasted all that time trying to figure out a link between Driscoll and Landon because Driscoll didn't just tell them about their genetic one. Now it might be too late, as they aren't responding to the botulism treatment and Landon is having seizures. Foreman doesn't think the fact that Driscoll and Landon are related is medically relevant either, pointing out that genetic conditions surface based on relatives' age, not proximity. Chase says there could be some kind of trigger setting off whatever genetic condition father and son have, saying the fact that they're related "can't be a coincidence." With that, he gets his own Epiphany Face. But it's not a diagnosis, so House tells him to sit back down and re-focus. When the Cottages come up with a new diagnosis that it won't be anyway, House lets Chase go off and confront his Faceplace hacker.

Martha can't hook up an IV bag to Driscoll without asking him why he didn't step forward to take care of Landon when his mother died, like that's any of her business. Driscoll says he didn't find out until months after she died and Landon was already in foster care. He was trying t

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