House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1015 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You Can't Win If You Don't Play

Taub asks Cyrus about any new rich people hobbies he may have picked up that exposed him to toxic chemicals, including drugs. Cyrus insists that he will not turn into one of those lottery winners who loses everything. To that end, he says he's living the same life and eating the same food he did before he had money. "Crappy canned food," Phil notes, getting Taub's attention. He asks how often Cyrus eats canned meals. Cyrus says that pretty much all of his meals are from cans, and he orders them "by the case." What food are we talking about here, exactly? Spam? Chef Boyardee? Pheasant in a can? Is it really that difficult and expensive to buy and prepare real food? Even those Hungry Man frozen meals for single manchildren would be better than this "crappy canned food" Cyrus has been eating all his life.

p>Chase and Foreman check out Cyrus's grim, disgusting workshop. For whatever reason, Chase decides to call Foreman out for being "repressed," whatever that's supposed to mean, and unable to change his ways Chase, on the other hand, claims to have changed his life in the last month. He is no longer sleeping with random women all the time and says he's happier than ever and ready for "something real" to come along. Yes, and then get fired by the show's producers and written off the show and her marriage to Chase for the stupidest of reasons. Sounds fun! Chase challenges Foreman to get through one differential diagnosis session without House getting under his skin. Foreman asks how he's supposed to prove that. Chase doesn't seem to have any ideas, but he does find a can of chemicals from China that are probably full of deadly poison.

In a shot from very high up for no good reason, Chase and Taub tell House that Cyrus could either be suffering from inhaling evil Chinese solvent toxins or heavy metal poisoning from all those cans of food he eats. Hadley says the treatment for either diagnosis is the same thing: chelation. House orders the Cottages to do something else that isn't chelation, because that way they'll be able to find out what is actually wrong with Cyrus. Narrowing it down to two possibilities isn't good enough for House, and they should have known that. Foreman argues that chelation is safer for the patient than the treatments House is suggesting, but then is forced to drop it in order to prove to Chase that he can interact with House without getting angry inside. Or something. I'm really not sure what this stupid C-plot thing between Chase and Foreman is about other than a way to fill some time.

House

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