House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1015 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You Can't Win If You Don't Play

Chase finishes hooking Foreman up as Hadley makes another suggestion: Cyrus is missing the gene that suppresses tumors. Foreman says that could be true, but they'd never be able to find it since they have to give him chemo, like, now. Chase says they can't even do that, since Cyrus's platelet counts are too low. And House doesn't want to do it because then Cyrus's cancers will go away before they find out what caused them. What House wants to do instead, then, is pump Cyrus full of tumor-growing chemicals. Foreman's BP jumps. "You want to grow more and bigger cancers?" he asks House, trying his best to keep his repressed rage from showing on the BP monitor. House says it's the only way to find out what's causing them all -- if they can't figure out what the three small, separate cancers have in common, then maybe they'll have more luck with eight big ones. Yeah, but... isn't one of the cancers in his pancreas? Isn't that almost always terminal? How would making it worse accomplish anything at this point except kill him sooner? Foreman's BP climbs steadily until he rips the cuff off, yelling that this BP thing is stupid since even if he is full of repressed rage, he can obviously control it. Hadley says it could lead to an early death for Foreman, who totally should have shot back a cutting remark about her terminal illness. That would have shut her up.

House sends everyone away to convince Cyrus to agree to let them make his three cancers worse to somehow make him better. He stops Hadley on her way out again and produces a picture of some guy. Hadley identifies him as her high school boyfriend and accuses House of stealing it out of her yearbook. House says he actually just took the picture, since High School Boyfriend is sitting outside. Sure enough, the guy is sitting on a bench, watching. How did Hadley not notice him before? Aren't all the walls made of transparent glass? House believes that being dumped by this guy was what made Hadley so bitter about the idea of long-lost loves reuniting successfully. "He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister," Hadley says, apparently meaning that a joyous reunion is out of the question. House is forced to concede defeat.

Here's how Taub explains the procedure to Cyrus: "we're giving you more cancer." For some reason, Phil and Jennifer don't think this sounds like a good plan. Hadley says they think this is their only shot to find out what genetic flaw is causing the cancer to form in the first place, and Taub shoves a consent form in Cyrus's face to sign. He doesn't. Instead, he turns to Jennifer and asks her to marry him. "Don't be stupid," Jennifer says. How romantic! Too bad Jennifer isn't Cameron, who would have jumped at the chance to marry the guy dying of cancer. In fact, I'm surprised she hasn't shown up yet already to offer her hand. Surely her lonely terminal cancer sufferer eligible bachelor alert has sounded by now. Jennifer says there's no way that Cyrus can know that he's in love with Jennifer yet; he needs more time, and she thinks he'll have it. With his eight cancers. Okay. Taub glances over at Hadley, happy to have proven to her that Jennifer isn't into Cyrus just for the money.

House

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