House

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You Can't Win If You Don't Play
Before Cyrus can get too upset, though, a blonde woman appears in the doorway. "Jennifer?" he asks. "It's good to see you," she says. She claims that she read about Cyrus in the paper and got to New Jersey from Virginia as soon as possible. Wait, she read in the paper that Cyrus won $42 million and then was admitted to PPTH? Why would they put that in there? What a weird article. Phil wonders if Jennifer would have come if Cyrus didn't suddenly have a lot of money. Jennifer admits that this does look bad, but she just wanted to see Cyrus and say hello. He's so happy to see her again that he doesn't seem too bothered about the timing. She runs over to embrace him, only for him to barf all over her suit. That and his suddenly shaking hand leads Hadley to diagnose him with a focal seizure. Now PPTH is really going to look bad when they kick him out.

Taub fills House in on Cyrus's current condition. The seizure means there is definitely something wrong with his brain, as well as that it's not due to heavy metal poisoning or inhaled toxins. House refuses to care about any of this because he's still sulking over Cuddy, who marches in and says that she'll let him treat his patient if House agrees to meet her "halfway." House returns to reading his issue of Celeb (Celeb: for when you want to use People but not enough to pay for the rights) and demands that Cuddy cut his Clinic hours which he never does anyway, giving him three parking spots next to each other so he can park like an asshole across them all, and give him three pairs of her underwear that he can use as sails for his new boating hobby. Oh, I wonder if he was inspired by his last patient? Cuddy gives up and tells House to do whatever he wants because she is done playing games with him. Even the one that she started.

Free to treat Cyrus again, the Cottages return to the meeting room, where Chase has Foreman hooked up to a blood pressure monitor to test whether or not Foreman is holding in repressed anger at House. This delights House, who tries to elicit a response on Foreman's monitor by getting right in his face and saying that Foreman's theory that Cyrus has Lyme disease is stupid. Foreman's blood pressure doesn't change more than a few points. House starts in on Foreman's missing brother, but that doesn't raise Foreman's blood pressure, either.

Taub tries to diagnose Cyrus, but House and Hadley would rather talk about how miserable he's going to be whether they help him or not, because money doesn't buy happiness and his dream girl is sure to turn out to be a horrible gold-digger. Also, Hadley thinks Cyrus has herpes encephalitis. House agrees, and tells them to confirm it with an EEG while starting him on herpes medicine. He then checks in on Foreman's BP, which Chase disappointedly reports hasn't changed the entire time. House finds that odd, since he unplugged the lead from Foreman's arm to the machine a while ago. Foreman angrily removes the cuff, having been busted for trying to cheat his repressed rage test. He, Chase, and Taub leave, but House tells Hadley to stay behind so he can ask her why she's so determined to believe that Cyrus won't be able to be happy or his relationship with Jennifer won't work out. Of course, Hadley isn't interested in talking to him.

Jennifer and Cyrus are giggling away in the EEG room, so I guess he didn't tell her that his doctors think he has herpes. Hadley tells Jennifer she has to leave the room when they do the EEG, and Jennifer says she might as well leave and head back to Virginia. Cyrus won't hear of it, saying he can pay for her to stay at a nice hotel. Maybe he can put her up at the hotel House stayed at after Cuddy dumped him, now with special safety railings to prevent assholes from jumping into the pool from the eleventh floor! Jennifer refuses, saying she only came to see Cyrus for the day, not to take his money. In the end, she agrees to stay for another few days, but in a motel at her own expense.

House limps into Wilson's office with the EEG results, which apparently show that Cyrus's brain is just fine despite all of his neurological symptoms. They found signs of "metabolic distress" on the EEG, though, so they scanned Cyrus's abdomen and found a mass in his pancreas. Thus, Wilson the cancer doctor has to take a look. He says the mass looks like cancer to him, and the rest of Cyrus's symptoms must be from paraneoplastic syndrome, that awesome diagnosis that can be pretty much anything. House says he already figured all of this out anyway, and is only seeking Wilson's advice for non-medical things, which is good because Wilson is a terrible doctor anyway. House wants to know why Wilson isn't yelling at him for refusing to go to Cuddy's meeting. He's shocked when Wilson says it's because he agrees with what he's doing. House was so sure that he was doing the wrong thing, and happy about it. Wilson says that both Cuddy and Murphy only want House at the meeting as a middleman so they don't have to work out their own problems with each other. "You tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this," Wilson says. House is not pleased, realizing that he didn't trip and fall so much as was tricked into it by Cuddy, who never wanted him to attend that meeting in the first place.

Murphy Brown and her lawyer meet with Cuddy. Murphy Brown has to use a cane to walk now, thanks to her daughter's terrible hospital. Does Cuddy own stock in a cane company or something? Because House has to use a cane to walk after having her as his doctor, too. Apparently, everyone Cuddy treats ends up using a cane. Or missing a hand, like her handyman who fell off her roof in Season Two.

Cuddy says House doesn't need to be here, since she's sure Murphy's lawsuit is about their fight and not the treatment she received at PPTH. That treatment certainly doesn't seem to have made an impact on Murphy's appetite, though. I love you, Candice Bergen, but if you're going to appear on TV and weigh like 50 pounds more than you used to and be put next to emaciated Lisa Edelstein, I have no choice but to comment on it. Cuddy says she wants to work things out with Murphy without lawyers present, seeing as how it is Mother's Day in a few days (Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you!). Murphy apparently agrees, and the lawyer leaves the room.

Cuddy says Murphy might be mad at her for suggesting she move in with her, but it's obvious that Murphy is struggling during her recovery and at Cuddy's house, she'll have Cuddy to take care of her and Murphy can spend time with her grand-daughter. "Win-win!" she says. That sounds like it's lose-lose to me. And to Murphy, who insists that this isn't personal but about the suffering she endured at the hands of PPTH and her "uncaring daughter." Okay, bitch. An uncaring daughter wouldn't offer to let you stay in her home. But maybe she learned not to care about family from the woman who is suing her own daughter's hospital that also saved her life.

"What do you want?" Cuddy sighs. Murphy demands $20,000, enough to hire someone to help her in her own home. And then she asks for another $10,000 to install one of those stair lifts, even though they only cost like $1,500 at the most and those commercials always say that most people are covered by their insurance. Cuddy tells her mother that if the hospital board hears about Murphy's possible lawsuit, they'll investigate Murphy's treatment and Cuddy and House will probably lose their licenses as a result. That's why Cuddy would rather believe that this lawsuit is due to personal reasons rather than her mother being ungrateful and kind of evil. And money-grubbing. Murphy has the grace to look ashamed, but before she can speak, House bursts in with a tray of medical supplies and offers to take out Murphy's shiny new hip and replace it with her deadly broken old one. He makes a crack about Cuddy's bedroom habits, at which point Murphy grabs for her cane and leaves, the lawsuit un-dropped.

Foreman and Taub do some kind of scan on Cyrus's internal organs. Foreman claims that he only rigged that blood pressure moni

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