House
House

Episode Report Card
Djb: A- | 1204 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
AU, Stop Poisoning Me With Gold

(I'm fired. So very, very amazingly fired.) ["I think I'm too shocked to fire you. Who knew you could work so blue!" -- Wing Chun]

House asks about the exact specs of the ant, wondering if it was "big and red or small and black." Foreman expertly creases his brow and notes that it was "medium and brown." House also courts firing by pressing, "Halle Berry brown or Beyoncé brown?" When no one can figure out exactly what that means and go about wondering why it would even be important, House has knowledge at the ready that army ants could eat a cow but that Australian bull ants are "more of a nuisance than a threat. No surprise there." Was that a dig against ants of Australians? Foreman caves and offers an answer of "Beyoncé," which automatically discounts the long-discussed ants as a cause in all this drama. Chase follows up that the pricey resort The Bobs stayed at didn't use clay pots, and Cameron reports that the tox screen was negative. House wants to run all of the tests again, but Foreman insists, "It's not heavy metals." House says it is. The tests say it's not. Chase won't let go of food allergies. Cameron insists, "His diet hasn't changed since he was a kid. His favorite food is corn flakes." House says they should start treating Bob for lead poisoning, but that they can also test him for all sorts of exciting allergies.

Cuddy! Hey, Cuddy. I watched the pilot recently, and hoo boy does she look better now, with her cute bouncy hair. I diagnose her with a raging case...of fashion! She looks less like a tranny than ever. Aaaaaaanyway, Cuddy's walking through the hospital when she's accosted by a woman in terrible boots who shouts, "I am not having an affair with daughter's karate instructor and I did not give my husband herpes." And before we even see the words form on her lips, we know where Cuddy is going with this, as she orders a conveniently-passing nurse, "Find out where House is."

Bob is lying on his side, which means that something terrible is probably happening to him back there. He cries "ow" in a fashion commensurate with pain in that area, and Chase apologizes. But Bob tells them that he's having pain in his feet. Burning!

House

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