House
Clueless

Episode Report Card
Djb: B+ | Grade It Now!
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AU, Stop Poisoning Me With Gold

But boring old Foreman only wants to talk about the case. Boooo, Foreman! Especially because his long, long words are so much longer than the word "toenails" and are therefore so much harder to type. Here are some of them now: "If they're into rape fantasies, S&M is on the menu as well." Please let me never find the restaurant containing that menu. "Neck trauma can cause vocal-chord paroxysms, which can cause choking." Cameron notes there was no sign of trauma, and that the couple was so open with their history that they even told her about a threesome they participated in a few months back. House offers that "a hundred bucks says they're as miserable as the next couple," because he had and lost love once. Chase asks if it was a guy or a girl and, finding out that the third participant was female, points out that if this guy isn't happily married, Chase doesn't know who is. Projecting that hypothesis through to the end of the episode, then, that'd be no one. House agrees, saying that this couple is clearly looking for something, and that people who are happily married have "nothing to look for." Cameron argues that, if it's something both people are into, one threesome every seven years can do a couple a world of good. Cameron...call me! Whatever, you guys. She's a damned stone fox and everybody knows it. And they all do, as a lengthy silence follows her speech, broken by House's suggestion that they discuss Cameron's comment in detail. Cameron tells House, "I'll take the bet." It's hers to lose. Has she never seen this show before?

Back to work (booooo! With the long words!) they go, Chase positing, "Maybe the first doctor was right. The food allergy explains the anaphylaxis." Foreman thinks that maybe it's neurological, but Cameron notes that neurological troubles such as ALS would "affect [Bob's] facial muscles before his throat," thereby insuring that, at least on this day, Bob The Fake Rapist will not end up "the luckiest man in the world." Sorry, guys. It's just that it's the only ALS-related joke I've got. House goes to the big board and scrawls the words "can't breathe," positing, "What if the problem's not in his throat?" Chase says that that would be a little odd, considering that's where all of the symptoms originated. House wants to know, "According to who?" and is told by Cameron, "The patient." But House? Not so much about the patient: "Most patients can't tell their ulna from their anus," he states poetically, so it's possible that said patient doesn't know the difference between choking and suffocating: "His throat might be fine; his lungs might be messed up." He orders lots and lots more tests, mentions the patient's anus one more time (stop doing that!) and takes his leave of the room. Oh, incorri...sorry. Last time.

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