House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 1306 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Women Have No Control

Vogler enters Cuddy's office and asks whether they really need to spend so much money on the department of diagnostic medicine, which only treats one patient a week and doesn't cure breast cancer. I can only assume that breast cancer was on Vogler's mind due to Cuddy's decision to wear a shirt so low-cut that it reveals the entire extent of her cleavage and possibly even a little bit of bellybutton. Come on, Cuddy. All she really has to do here is tell Vogler that House's team is working on a cure for people with heads shaped like one of Star Trek's Talosians, and I'm sure he'll give them all the money they need. Instead, Cuddy just says that House and his team save lives. Vogler asks if Cuddy is sleeping with House. "What? No!" Cuddy says, flustered. Vogler asks if she ever did, and Cuddy's answer is that it's none of Vogler's business and that it's an incredibly inappropriate question to ask besides, both of which are true, although it doesn't answer the question. A yes by omission, perhaps? Oh, House, you dog! Vogler says that House is still not wearing his coat. Cuddy says she told him to. Vogler asks if House's refusal to follow orders is a reflection of him...or his boss.

House enters Carly's room, but she's awake so he can't check out any more of her body in the name of medicine. She knows who House is, having found a picture of him online, no doubt at www.allisoncameron.com, where it was surrounded by hearts and flowers. (If you're checking the site out at work, be sure the volume of your computer is turned down, as the link to the shrine for her tragically dead husband plays a very loud midi version of "Amazing Grace.") House tells Carly that she needs a heart transplant, due to the fact that she is a "high-powered bulimic," which he figured out when he saw that she cuts herself, as the two apparently go hand-in-hand. High-powered bulimics drink ipecac to induce vomiting, which will save your kid's life if he swallows poison, but isn't so great when ingested at regular intervals, as it causes muscle damage, as in her right leg and her heart. House is about to go in front of the transplant committee to present Carly's case, but the fact that she's bulimic makes her a "bad risk," and therefore unlikely to get a heart...unless he lies to the committee, in which case he'd lose his medical license. Carly asks House what he wants from her. House says that he wants to know if she is "worth it." Carly says she knows that House thinks she's pathetic, and House yells at her that this is about whether she wants to live or die: "I want you to tell me that your life is important to you, because I don't know!" House turns to leave, and Carly pulls him back. "I don't want to die!" she cries. Well, Carly, you should have thought about that before you decided to be a female CEO. Everyone knows that the tender sensibilities of the female gender mean that a position of stress and responsibility like that can only be handled with the help of self-destructive behavior. By the way, this episode was written by a man. I'm just saying.

House

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