House
Control

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Women Have No Control

Coming off the elevator (drink!), Cuddy tells House that he needs to wear his coat. House says he needs to have sex with someone half Cuddy's age. Cuddy tells House to make their huge benefactor happy and wear the stupid coat so that they can cure cancer. House thinks that Vogler is going to use their hospital to run clinical trials that will kill patients. Cuddy is shocked that House would have a problem with killing people to make them better. "All [Vogler's] done is taken your game and gone pro," Cuddy says, thinking she is very smart indeed. House says that Vogler will kill their hospital. "Wear the damn coat," Cuddy orders. Yeah, that'll happen.

Foreman comes in to see Carly. He informs her that all their tests show that there is nothing wrong with her, so she probably had a blood clot that went away on its own. She'll be released tomorrow. Meanwhile, Carly is in the fetal position in her bed, her face twisted in pain. Foreman finally notices and asks if she's okay. Carly responds with a scream.

The Cottages talk about the new chairman of the board. Foreman doesn't like him. Cameron thinks they should all introduce themselves. House wants to talk about their patient, who is registering a ten on the pain scale. The only explanation I can think of for why hospitals persist in using the pain scale is that those face drawings it has that serve as a reference point of what varying degrees of pain look like (zero is a blue smiley face, while ten is a red crying face) are so amusing in their ridiculousness. When I'm in pain, I usually can't conceive of there being anything more painful than what I'm currently experiencing, so I would always want to say ten, but then would feel like a wimp and probably settle for seven or eight. Thus, the pain scale is useless. The Cottages protest that all their tests came back normal. Then Cameron asks Robert what Carly's sedimentation rate was. "Normal, Allison," Chase says. "Are you mocking me?" Cameron asks. "Duh, Allison," Foreman says, and he and Chase laugh at her. If Cameron didn't deserve that, I'd feel sorry for her. "My Aunt Elisa lives in Philadelphia," Cameron begins. "Oh! It's story time!" says House, who can't believe Cameron would set herself up for his sarcasm so easily. Cameron continues by saying that her Aunt Elisa, who lives in Philadelphia, has a body temperature that is always slightly lower than normal, meaning that ninety-eight point six is a fever for her when she's in Philadelphia. Maybe Carly, who lives in New York City, has a sed rate that is naturally low, meaning that what's normal for everyone else is high for her. "That's absurd," House says. "...I love it." Well, of course. And again, why do they even do tests at this hospital if even the normal results may not be normal? A high sed rate could mean cancer, so House says he'll talk to Wilson. He asks Cameron to skip the part about her stupid aunt and her current location next time. Cameron smiles in validation.

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House

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