House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 1310 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Shock And Aww

Cameron goes to Carnell and tries to get his dad out of the room so that she can get the names of his secret Jamaica trip buddies. She blows it when Dad refuses to leave and she tries to threaten to have him removed. Dad says he can't help his son if his doctors are keeping secrets from him. Then he yelps in pain as karma bites him on the ass. Carnell finally confesses that he went to Jamaica during Spring Break instead of coming home and having to work his ass off like his dad apparently forces him to. Dad is angry at his son for lying and ditching work. Shut up, Dad.

Meanwhile, House is in Cuddy's office, graciously volunteering to make up for his recent poor Clinic duty attendance by working a night shift tomorrow. Cuddy patiently explains that the Clinic is closed at night, so House can't use it to avoid his dinner, which Cuddy will also be attending. "I love their Cobb salad!" Cuddy says, grinning from ear to ear. Ha! Ha! Ha! House offers to tell Cuddy who started the rumor that she's a transsexual if she gets him out of dinner tomorrow. Cuddy looks up, alarmed, and then remembers who she's talking to and says there is no such rumor. House promises to start one if she doesn't help him get out of dinner. House might also want to learn what boundaries are and how maintaining them in a professional setting is important. Cuddy tells him just to lie to his parents like everyone else does. House says that would be impossible, since his mother is a "human polygraph." Cuddy thinks his mother would rather be lied to than know the truth that her son hates her. "I don't hate her. I hate him," House says. Cuddy just stands there like, "Damn, that's intense. I'd feel sorry for the guy if he hadn't just said I look like a man."

Carnell's pre-credits friend -- "the man," a.k.a. Taddy (whatever) -- is working late at the new corporate job he apparently started the second his graduation ceremony ended. Taddy says he hasn't experienced any strange symptoms since returning from Jamaica except a case of athlete's foot. Cameron asks to see it, explaining that Jamaica is home to a parasite that can resemble foot fungus. Taddy gets all uncomfortable and says he actually has athlete's crotch, not foot. Cameron still wants to see it. Right now, or she'll somehow drag Taddy to a hospital and look at it there. Taddy stands up and drops trou. Cameron looks around. Because we're suddenly in an episode of Three's Company, Taddy's boss enters and totally doesn't buy the groin-rash-doctor excuse. Cameron ruins everyone's lives.

House

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