House
Daddy's Boy

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Shock And Aww

Foreman and Chase finish Carnell's lumbar puncture. He complains of feeling nauseated and asks his dad to get him a Coke. Dad runs out to do that, and Carnell rolls his eyes in disgust. He tells the doctor that doesn't really feel sick; he just wanted his dad out of the room. Not because he's angry at him about the dead mom story -- although I'm sure that one still stings a little -- but because...

We cut back to the meeting room, where House is thoroughly irritated to hear that Carnell snuck off to Jamaica with some rich school friends during Spring Break, which House says was "over a month ago." It must have been the Spring Break in the weird space-time continuum that the Christmas-themed buildings and graduation ceremonies of ambiguous dates also exist in. Cameron enters and explains her tardiness with the enigmatic excuse of "making dinner plans." House gets her up to speed with the "shocking" fact that Carnell and his dad have a "crappy relationship." Yes, but is it explosive or gushing? And why does House think it's a good idea for a middle-aged man to wear an unflattering skin-tight t-shirt? Women aren't the only people whose boobs are affected by gravity. House suspects thatCarnell spent his Jamaica time smoking a lot of weed, which could have been sprayed with pesticides that cause transverse myelitis. (Someone on the writing staff of this show has a real problem with pesticides.) House tells the Cottages to start treating Carnell for that. Foreman angrily objects, saying that House has no proof of his diagnosis. Foreman seems to have been living under a rock for the last season and a half. House assures him that it will be super-awesome when Carnell gets better and proves that House was right, since House, too, has apparently been living under that same rock and doesn't realize that whatever diagnosis he makes before the show passes the fifty-minute mark will be wrong, and that treatment for it will only make his patient worse. Foreman and Chase go off to do that, but House asks Cameron to stay behind so that he can ask her about those dinner plans. For the first time ever, Cameron is reluctant to say anything.

Wilson is accosted in the parking lot (apparently, he and House lost their cushy parking-garage spots) by an angry man with a cane. "You bastard!" says the man who borrowed five thousand dollars from his friend and then used said friend to get out of dinner with the 'rents. Wilson says that Cameron has a "big mouth," which confirms House's suspicions. Wilson says he doesn't appreciate being used, especially since he probably had much higher hopes about the nature of their dinner after House said that stuff about making it worth Wilson's while. House asks whether this about the money he borrowed and has yet to pay back. Wilson says it isn't, but now that they're on the subject.... House whips out a checkbook and starts writing a check for the entire amount he owes. You see, House never actually needed any of Wilson's money; he was just doing a "little experiment" to see how much money Wilson would give House before he asked for it back. Wow, it's really sad that House thinks he needs to test his friends like that, and that he thinks friendship can be measured in money. Wilson sputters, rendered almost speechless, and House offers him a check in exchange for canceling the dinner plans with his parents. Wilson agrees to the deal, takes the check, and tells House that if he wants to cancel on his parents, he can call them himself. House is shocked that Wilson would actually lie to House. Wilson says that he, too, has been doing a little experiment: lying to House in increasing amounts, starting with the time last year when he told House he looked good with stubble. Wilson rolls his eyes and closes his car door in House's face. Oh, day-amn! House got TOLD! What what! Awesome. It's about time Wilson justified his existence on this show.

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