A Princeton almost-grad's body starts shocking itself. New motorcycle (complete with special cane-holder!) and hot leather jacket owner House takes the case and, after sifting through the patient's lie to his dad (he spent Spring Break with his rich friends in Jamaica instead of working in his dad's junkyard), the dad's lie to the patient (his mother was not killed by a drunk driver, but in a car accident she caused herself, probably by falling asleep at the wheel), and an unpleasant visual of the patient losing control of his sphincter, House determines that the patient has pesticide poisoning from all the pesticide-coated weed he smoked in Jamaica. He's wrong, of course, and the kid gets worse. When one of his Jamaica traveling partners develops a rash on his groin and vomits blood all over the place, House figures out that the early graduation gift the dad gave his son -- a keychain made out of a piece of metal from his junkyard -- is the radioactive culprit. The dad and his son's friend will survive their exposure, but the kid is a goner. After forgiving his dad for lying about his mom's death, the kid asks him what's wrong with him, and the dad...totally lies and tells the kid he'll be fine. Way to learn, there, Dad. Plus, House's parents are in town for a few hours, and he tries every trick in the book to avoid them, but Cameron, Wilson, and Cuddy combine to thwart his every attempt. House treats his parents to dinner in the hospital cafeteria alone after Cameron finally figures out that House's relationship with his parents is none of her business. Later, he tells her that he likes his mother, but hates his dad because his dad never lies. So, basically, we learn that fathers shouldn't lie to their sons, and then that they should. How confusing! I'm glad I'm a daughter.
A father and son walk out of a building that appears to be decorated for the upcoming Christmas season. Dad is thrilled, because he just paid his last Princeton bill. Son is thrilled that he graduated. Dad says he's really proud of his son, and he knows Son's dead mother would have been, too. They hug, and Dad tells Son not to drink too much tonight. Son says that won't be a problem; he's had enough alcohol in the last week to last him another four years. Dad's like, "Good. Wait, not really."
Cut the son being a total liar and chugging beer at a frat party while Korn's cover of "Word Up" plays in the background. That song would make me want to drink a lot, too. The son, named Carnell, finishes his beer, making his team the apparent winners of whatever drinking game you play on a ping-pong table that isn't Beer Pong. Carnell ebulliently embraces his friend and calls him "the man." "Tell me something I don't know!" "the man" says. Puh-leeze; if he really was "the man," he would have responded with something much cooler. Suddenly, electricity sound effects play and Carnell shakes and yells at his friend for shocking him. His friend denies it, and Carnell is shocked again. He yells that whoever is doing this to him had better stop right now, and then the Magic School Bus Cam travels down his lightning-filled spine, making it apparent that Carnell is shocking himself. I didn't even know the human body could do that.
Post-credits, Wilson checks out Carnell, who is still shocking himself, as the dad stands around, looking concerned.
Then Wilson's at the whiteboard, writing Carnell's symptoms on it. Cameron and Chase observe, looking very confused as to why Wilson is writing on the whiteboard and not their boss, or because Wilson's handwriting is illegible. Sensible Foreman has given up on Wilson's handwriting and is reading Carnell's file. As Wilson rules out MS as Carnell's problem, House strolls in, wearing a hot new leather jacket. He bids the team a good morning, and Foreman mutters that it's almost time for lunch. How does House still have a job? Honestly. Meanwhile, Cameron just wants to know what's up with House's new jacket. "It keeps me warm AND cool," House responds with a Fonztastic flip of his slightly-less-than-Fonztastic hair. Wilson gets down to the business of House's newest patient, whom House has only found out about now. House reluctantly agrees to take the case, however, because he owes Wilson after borrowing $5000 from him the night before. Cameron interrupts the work-related chatter to ask House why he needed that much money. Cameron really needs to learn that there's a time and a place for questions about new jackets and money troubles, and it's not in the middle of discussing a new case. Chase answers for House that it was either a bad night of poker or a good night with a hooker. House thanks Chase for making the joke for him, and Chase beams with approval and feels all twinkly inside. House instadiagnoses Carnell with a nitrous oxide overdose thanks to too much college partying, but Wilson says they've already treated him for that and ruled out everything else that could have caused the shocks. House notes that one of Carnell's symptoms, his low white count, could be caused by the fact that he's "black," which House assumes means Carnell's "not just really dirty but is of African descent." And black people naturally have a lower white count. Wilson says it's not that low. Why hasn't Foreman killed his boss yet? "Not just really dirty"? Come on! With all diagnosis options exhausted, House orders the Cottages to figure out what's missing. Foreman asks what that's supposed to mean. House tells them to figure it out. He'll be at lunch.