House
Detox

Episode Report Card
Sars: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
No Pain, No Gain

Not exactly; the hottie is a masseuse. There follows a reasonably funny but not terribly pertinent exchange about whether she's actually a hooker (she isn't) and how Wilson is jealous because he's married (boooo) and then the hottie comes in and starts doing some nutty thing with House's hand that makes him squirm and moan, and he's already sort of sweaty from the withdrawal...it's pretty hot in a weird kind of way. Hottie: "Take off your clothes." Sars: "...Sweet!" Scene: "Sorry, I'm over." Sars: "...Lame!"

Cut to Larry's room for the obligatory hospital-food joke. Chase is performing an ultrasound on Larry's chest, and when Larry asks if he shouldn't be doing it on Larry's eye instead, Chase says awkwardly that they're focusing on the cause of the clot, not the clot itself. "So the blindness would be...permanent," Larry says. Reluctantly, Chase nods, and looks at Dad. Dad rubs Larry's head. Larry does more I'm Blind, BLIND I TELL YOU! acting. Chase chews his lip. The Piano of Damn You, Mystery Ailment is sad and plinky.

Exit hottie -- who, I don't think by accident, has her hair styled the same way Cuddy does. Enter Chase to raise his eyebrows to Jesus. "I had a massage," House grumps. "Looks like you had a masseuse," Chase grumps back, then softens to ask if it helped with the pain. House is fine. Chase knows. He says the echo didn't turn up anything; House says he can refute that result, but Chase, who seems to have expected that response, remarks acidly that the antibiotics aren't working either. Double the dosage, House tells him; Chase doesn't get it, as that'll kill Larry's kidneys, but House points out (sarcastically, to what I'm sure is your great surprise) that yes, Chase should save the kidney, and whoever they transplant it into will be grateful. Undiscouraged, Chase brings up an idea he has about Larry's eye, which House shoots down, again, but Chase persists, saying that if they can drain some of the vitreous humor, it might make some room and the clot might move on its own. House is caught off guard, and calls the solution creative, asking why Chase didn't mention it before. "I didn't think of it before," he shrugs, which gives House time to recover with, "You should've." Sars: "You should've." House is clearly thinking the same thing about himself, though, and once Chase retreats down the hallway, House limps around the corner, spent, and leans against a wall.

Cut to Larry's pupil contracting, and boy, is Heathen glad she didn't have to recap a needle entering Larry's, er, "toe," because that's exactly what's happening. Oh, wait, my mistake -- it's two needles. Geeeeeesh. Larry is awake for this, which seems unlikely, and talking while the needles are being inserted, which seems even more unlikely, like, hi, immobilization? Anyone? Anyway, we get an icky but cool NeedleCam shot of vitreous humor slurping away from the clot while Brian Eno-ish music is all wwwwiiiiihhhh in the background, and then Larry's eye twanging back into shape when the needle is removed. Holy gross CGI, Batman. That was rad. Blind Lemon Larry acting. Staring. CorneaCam. Blob. Staring. Blob. Blob...retreating! Happy Larry. Retreating Blob. Larry can see. Chase looks at Cameron all "who's the man?" Cameron looks back all "phew -- now what?"

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House

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