House
Distractions

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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ATV And LSD

I've just realized that the only medical procedures Chase ever really seems to do are the ones that involve sticking a wire in someone and then snaking it through blood vessels to grab a clot or something like that. What's that about, do you think? Anyway, Chase is doing that for Adam now. Foreman is on sonogram probe-holding duty, which he can't even do right since he moves it around and makes it hard for Chase to see what he's doing. Chase complains loudly about this.

Webber's lecture finally seems to conclude, with Webber saying that his drug prevents migraines without the necessity of taking it every day. Now it's House's time to shine. He raises his hand and points out that Webber's calling his drug a "breakthrough" stands to net him and the pharmaceutical company he works for a great deal of money. He tries to point out the flaw in Webber's clinical-trial methodology by asking a woman with a bottle of mango juice if she has cancer and, when he gets a negative response (I loved how the woman looked all pissed off and affronted when House asked her this, like he was asking her if she had herpes or something), announces that mango juice must prevent cancer. Webber notes that House is giving him a migraine, and that his new medicine would prove useful for it, to which House laughs way to loudly and heartily while Wilson rolls his eyes. House goes in for what he thinks is the kill: Webber sucks at math, and his decision to publish in India raises a few red flags. Webber defends himself, saying that Neuroscience New Delhi is a "respected journal." House says he's heard that from "the guy running Slurp 'N Gulp," because, once again, House is racist. And not just against black people anymore, which is both refreshing and upsetting. "Get a hooker -- anything!" Wilson murmurs. Webber starts to recognize House, who keeps going on about how you can bury a faulty report in a largely unread medical journal to appease your pharmaceutical sponsors. When House calls Webber a dickface, Webber finally recognizes him. "House!" he howls, sounding exactly like a villain who's just been foiled. "Medical school was twenty years ago," he continues. "Give it a rest. Grow up." House accuses Webber of being such a grown-up that he tattled on House for cheating. Meanwhile, the rest of the lecture attendees try to figure out if this is the best or worst medical lecture they've ever seen. On one hand, they're not hearing much about breakthrough migraine medicine. On the other hand, drama is always fun to watch. House says that he tested Webber's drug on his own patient, and that it didn't work. When he hears the patient's room number, Wilson blurts, "The coma patient?," which gives Webber all the ammo he needs to discredit House's unofficial study. The medicine doesn't work on people with coma-ed-out cerebral cortexes. Duh. House actually has the grace to look shut down.

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