House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Pwned
nce's lungs to fill with fluid. Hadley stands at Vince's bedside, looking appropriately contrite. "How long you guys been doing it?" Vince asks them. Whoops! It turns out that Foreman has some kind of Facebook page with a picture of him and Hadley together at the beach in their swimsuits, and Vince hacked into it. He offers Foreman a high-five for the hot girlfriend, but Foreman leaves him hanging. Vince says that after Foreman's spinal thing nearly killed him, he figured some research into his doctor's background was in order, thus eventually stumbling across the Facebook page. How many friends do you think Foreman has on there? My guess is three. Hadley, Kumar (who hasn't logged in in months for some reason ... ), and maybe a brother who isn't in jail. Oh shit! It turns out I'm right, as Vince says that Foreman does, in fact, only have three friends. Why would you even set up a Facebook page if that were the case? Do those three people really need to keep such close tabs on you and you can't just call them instead?

Hadley slams the laptop shut and asks Vince if he uses cocaine. Vince says no, not since his college roommate OD'd. They asked if you did coke, Vince. They didn't ask for your life story. Geez. This is why House just has his underlings break into people's houses. Foreman seems to trust Vince, but as soon as he and Hadley are in the hall, he orders her to search Vince's office anyway. Hadley thinks that Foreman is trying too hard to either be just like House or the opposite, depending on which one seems to work at the time. Well, that's what you have to do when you don't have a personality of your own. In a rare moment of humility, Foreman admits that he feels like "Tom Brady's backup." Hadley points out that Matt Cassel now makes ten million a year, so that's not a bad thing. Good for Cassel, but he still didn't throw a 16-0 season. She urges Foreman to be himself and trust that's good enough. Even though it's never been good enough before. Foreman (reluctantly) thanks her for the talk before stating that they're having dinner tonight at seven. Hadley would rather do eight, but the reservation has already been made. Hadley looks a bit put out by this, but she shouldn't. This just means that she's guaranteed to leave work at a decent hour, something that never seemed to happen when House was her boss.

Cuddy finally decided to stop by Wilson's apartment to see House. "Hi," she says nervously when he opens the door. "I'm making gnocchi," he says instead of a "hello." But he does nod to invite her in, where she sees that there's already someone there -- an Asian woman from House's cooking class. "She doesn't speak English," House explains. Sure enough, the woman asks "who's the broad?" although I don't know what language it's in. "Missionary," House replies, also in that language. Oh, fun fact! When I was trying to find out what language they were speaking, I discovered that the actress who played the woman was also the "and then?" drive-thru voice in Dude, Where's My Car? House turns back to Cuddy and says he's going to bake the gnocchi instead of boiling it because science tells him that that will produce a lighter pasta. Cuddy says that House seems to be doing well, although she's still obviously not sure how to approach him or even where to stand in the kitchen. She ends up as far away from House as possible with her back pressed against the wall. Meanwhile, the other woman wants to know why she's dressed "like a hooker" if she's a woman of God. "I meant the position," House says back. Oh, please. While Cuddy does tend to wear outfits that are entirely unprofessional and show off way too much cleavage, this isn't one of them. Lay off, lady.

Cuddy asks if House can stop the foreign language conversation and talk to her about leaving PPTH. He says his decision is final. Until he comes back. Which we know he will. Cuddy finally steps forward and says she just wants to make sure that she didn't factor into House's decision at all, what with her involvement in his inability to tell reality from fantasy. House says her concern is understandable, and even acknowledges that he hallucinated their night together. Not that he's gotten treatment for that or anything. House assures her that she is not the reason he left PPTH. "I'm gonna miss you," Cuddy says, apparently satisfied. "Either kiss him or leave. We got work to do," the other lady says, this time in perfect English. Cuddy chooses to leave. After all that? Weren't the non-hallucinated parts of their relationship more meaningful than this? I guess House being committed for three months made him a bit less appealing in Cuddy's eyes.

So now we see why Hadley was so eager to break into Vince's office: to play his new videogame! Taub is the lizard-thing and she's the monkey-thing. She shoots down a few pterodactyls as Taub accuses her of avoiding work to avoid her boyfriend. Hadley thinks it's normal for her to have a problem with being ordered around by someone who was her equal just twenty-four hours ago. Um, Foreman was never your equal, Hadley. He worked for House well before you did and he was brought back on as some sort of second-in-command. Also, it's called a promotion. They happen. Hadley's monkey-thing swings on some hanging wires, and how does the game know that she's making swinging motions with her hands when there aren't any sensors there? The only thing connecting the player with the game world is the gun controller and a helmet with a screen in the visor to watch the action in and a microphone to speak into. There's some kind of lit pad she and Taub are standing on, so maybe that can somehow tell what their bodies are doing and make their characters do them as well. But this looks like a lot of work and expense for just a videogame. I really don't think it's going to do well. Hadley says she's okay with being bossed around by her boss, but when it's her boyfriend essentially ordering her to go to dinner at a certain time and place, she isn't. Taub recommends that Hadley "even the score" by "put[ting] on some heels" and "break[ing] him like a pony." Both Hadley and her monkey-thing counterpart give a Look. Then they're attacked by a giant pterodactyl and its little friends and have to shoot for their video game lives. Hadley stops to admire the wing movement of their enemies, leaving Taub to get eaten alive. She says she's figured out what's wrong with Vince, and leaves the game to tell Foreman. Meanwhile, Taub is on the ground, swinging wildly at the pterodactyls. Awesome. "Little help!" he cries weakly. Seriously, though, if Taub can play this game, then there's no way it's going to be a success. Kids don't like games that are so simple that adults can play them, too. And adults don't like to buy videogames for their kids that cost thousands of dollars.

Back at PPTH, Taub and Hadley ask Vince if he touched any of the birds he studied to create the pterodactyl's wing movements. Vince says he not only touched the birds, he also dissected them. Not to go all PETA and everything, but should birds really give their lives for more realistic videogames? Especially since we don't even know what pterodactyl wing movements looked like because of how they're all extinct and stuff. Hadley says that's a great way to get psittacosis, but it's hard to pay any attention to her when most of her face is cut off on my TV screen. What the hell is this? Do I now have to buy a wide-screen TV to be able to actually see the characters on this show? Well, sorry -- looking at Olivia Wilde's face just isn't reward enough for that expense. Vince uses his gamer language to ask if psittacosis can cause "joystick" problems. "I'm kinda stuck in play mode," he says. Fortunately, Hadley's face is not mostly off-screen when he says this, so I get to see the expression on it. Taub figures that Vince is just being creepy, but Vince says he's been hard for three hours now and it's starting to hurt. Taub gets a look at the site as one-fifth of Hadley's face says that priapism is not a symptom of psittacosis. So there goes that diagnosis.

Vince's erection was

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7Next

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP