Foreman's time is running out, and House thinks that the only option they have to find out what he's got is to autopsy the cop who just died. Problem is, Cuddy's a stickler for CDC protocol and won't let them near the body. This makes everyone yell at Cuddy. Even Cameron, who at least has the presence of mind to mutter a "sorry" afterwards. While the team scrambles to try to figure out what's wrong with Foreman and why it hasn't affected Cameron or Steve McQueen -- who House is willing to sacrifice by rubbing him all over the cop's apartment and waiting for him to get sick so he can do his autopsy -- Foreman goes blind and calls his father. Foreman's father arrives at PPTH without Foreman's mom, who we find out is sick with something that sounds like Alzheimer's, and spends almost all his time in the hospital chapel instead of at his son's bedside. Foreman starts to give up on getting better and makes Cameron his medical proxy. She accepts this position, although she won't accept Foreman's apology for copying her article and basically trying to infect her with a horrible, undiagnosed illness until she thinks he's about to kick off. With the medical proxy in hand, Cameron orders House to go through with an extremely risky brain biopsy that seems to be the only way they can diagnose him. House has one last idea though, and goes back to the cop's apartment, where he finds a tank of water that's infected with the Naegleria parasite. When he calls Cameron to tell her this, however, she already knows -- because she did the biopsy. Whoops! Oh well, when Foreman wakes up, he seems to be fine and everyone is relieved. Until, that is, he's asked to wiggle his left toes and he wiggles his right ones instead. Also, House's Clinic patient is a little girl who loves to get off.
When we last left our crew (yesterday), Foreman was suffering from the same disease that had just claimed the life of the Patient of the Week, making Foreman the new Patient of the Week. House thought that the answer lay in a bucket full of pigeon shit, but it didn't. I hope none of you spent the time between the two episodes trying to figure out what disease Foreman has based on his symptoms, since this show is notorious for creating symptoms for diseases to try to make the answer less predictable. Like when insomnia meant you had the plague. That's too bad, too, because it could have been a fun little brain teaser for the medical professionals in the viewing audience. Anyway....
We open with House marching into Cuddy's office, demanding a bone saw. That's a hell of a way to greet someone, and I must try it sometime. Cuddy knows what House is up to, though, and rejects his attempt to get a piece of Dead Joe's brain for testing. She says that it could expose the entire hospital to a health hazard, apparently ignoring the fact that, up until the point when Foreman started getting sick, everyone had been exposed to Joe plenty. It's also against CDC rules, Cuddy says, and they are now in charge of Joe's case, which is at "Biosafety Level 3." House laughs this off and manages to get a plug in for another Fox show at the same time: "Did you call Jack Bauer?" he asks. (Perhaps he could help us saw through Joe's Prison Break. And we certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel be left out of The Loop, so let's call the Cops and get them in on the action, as well. The Bernie Mac Show.) Anyway, Cuddy says that they don't have the proper safety equipment at PPTH to handle Joe's autopsy. Hell, PPTH barely has rubber gloves. So while House can do whatever he wants to Foreman, he has to keep his hands off of Joe. Even though the CDC will take three days to give PPTH the results, and Foreman only has thirty-six hours left to live.
His autopsy bid rejected, House goes for the next best thing: a hurried ice pick lobotomy into Joe's brain, performed by Foreman -- who still gets to share a room with his dead neighbor, since the CDC hasn't arrived to take him out yet (much to Scott Michael Campbell's delight, since he now gets paid just to be a corpse). Cuddy knows House well enough by now to have figured out what he's up to, and comes marching down the hall, yelling at Foreman not to get the sample. That's all the motivation Foreman needs to get to work. Foreman grabs the equipment from the airlock and moves over to Joe, while Cuddy yells at some attending staff members to suit up and stop Foreman. House urges her to tell them to take their time, so that Foreman can get the sample and Cuddy won't be responsible, but she's not entertaining his rule-bending today. The point is moot anyway, though, because while Foreman does bang an icepick into a soft surface and extract a sample, it's not Joe's brain. It's the mattress he's lying on. Foreman is blind. "Intractable, unbearable pain is up next. Sure you don't wanna reconsider that whole autopsy thing?" House asks Cuddy, just to make her feel as horrible as possible. That can't be making Foreman feel too great, either.
The Whiteboard is blank. House and the healthy Cottages toss a few ideas around, but they've got nothing. Cameron makes it clear that -- despite Foreman's best efforts -- she isn't sick yet, judging by her not-happy demeanor, which House points out isn't all that different from the way she usually is. This gets a chuckle from Chase, who immediately insists that he was laughing because what House said was funny, not because he's sick. Cameron's healthy, yet dour, condition tells them that the disease isn't blood-borne. Everyone stares at Foreman's empty chair for a while until maximum dramatic has been achieved, and then House tells them to treat Foreman for everything they can think of, "likely or unlikely." Chase and Cameron both object, saying that much medicine will destroy Foreman's internal organs. "There's got to be a better way," Cameron says. "OF COURSE THERE'S A BETTER WAY!" House screams. Whoa! I think he's angrier than the time he trashed the coffee cart. While the Cottages tend to Foreman, House says he'll be looking for another brain to biopsy. We can cross that guy he shot last week off the list, I'm thinking. As for everyone else, they'd better keep an eye out for drills.