House
Fall from Grace

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Can't Win 'Em All
an we've seen him smile in like three seasons. Dominica praises Foreman's "big, strong, sexy feet." Encouraged, Foreman suggests that Danny's nose issues could have come from snorting heroin. Chase adds that the bleeding could be unrelated to the heroin, perhaps a result of having too much Vitamin A in his system from those injections. House is usually reluctant to believe that two symptoms are unrelated, but points out that their patient doesn't exactly live the healthiest of lifestyles. He suggests treating Danny for a Vitamin A overdose and seeing if he improves. Martha thinks they should consider that he could have an obstruction in his gastro-intestinal tract, and House comments that women who need green cards are much more quiet and pleasant to be around before allowing her to X-ray Danny's abdomen and look for her precious obstruction.

House Segways into Cuddy's office to ask for a favor -- he wants to put Dominica on his health insurance a few days before they actually get married so she can get her tooth capped and look nice in the wedding photos. Yeah, because health insurance covers tooth capping. My dental insurance just laughs at me anytime I try to use it for necessary services, let alone vanity. But I'm sure House isn't doing this to get his intended a reduced rate on dental services; he's doing it to rub in his upcoming nuptials to Cuddy, who refuses to sign the papers because it would be fraudulent. House calls Dominica in in Russian, and she enters with a tin containing bribery pastries and a mangled attempt at expressing her love for America, the "home of the free and land of the Braves." Cuddy accepts, but warns House that if she signs the papers and House doesn't go through with the wedding, he'll be dropped from PPTH's employee insurance. House says that's fine, and Cuddy signs off. Dominica is thrilled. Dominica is kind of awesome. I would fully support her marriage to House if he wasn't such a horrible person.

While Chase and Martha prepare Danny for the X-ray, they inform him that they know he was a heroin user in the past. Danny admits that he was, but claims that he's been clean for months now since he clinically died after an overdose. He then went to rehab, which is apparently available to homeless people with no money, and was determined to get clean because he thought surviving the overdose meant God gave him a second chance and he wanted his life to mean something. Martha is positively charmed when he says he's hoping to turn things around and become a doctor. He says he was once in a pre-med program in college, so it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Martha interrupts him to call Chase over and check out something strange on the X-ray.

The entire team head into the lightbox room to check out the X-rays of Danny's abdomen, which show thirteen masses in his colon. They don't know what they could be, as they look nothing like tumors and tests for parasites came back negative. House comments that it's surprising that a homeless junkie wouldn't have any parasites, but Chase and Martha inform him that Danny is no longer using drugs and planning on getting his life together so he won't be homeless anymore, either. "He wants to be a doctor," Martha gushes. Taub rolls his eyes at Martha's naïveté, saying Danny is just telling Martha what he thinks she wants to hear. House, of course, knows that no drug addict stays clean for long, and says so while taking a few Vicodins just to prove his point. Martha softly asks if he could not take those in front of her. She did say please, but House has no intention of obliging her, of course. House tells the Cottages to treat Danny for a possible fungal infection and stick a scope up his ass to get a good look at those masses.

Taub gets the ass-scoping duty. He takes this time to talk to Foreman about House's wedding, suggesting that they boycott it "on principal." Foreman says he feels obligated to go since Dominica gave him a foot massage and he's in the wedding party, along with Chase. Now Taub is indignant not to be invited to be part of House's wedding party. Foreman doesn't know why Taub cares, since he was just planning on not going at all. "I still have feelings," Taub sulks. And then they catch a glimpse of Danny's colon masses.

Foreman holds up a jar with thirteen tiny bones fragments inside, saying they found them in Danny's intestines. They think Danny has some kind of mental issue that makes him eat non-food items, but Danny explains that he is friendly with the cook of an Italian restaurant, who dares him to eat nasty things in exchange for a real meal. The bone fragments are probably from a chicken bone the cook made him eat. Foreman lectures Danny on not eating things that could punch holes in his colon, while Martha asks for a promise that Danny won't do that again like she's his mother or something. Danny can't promise anything right now, though, as his vision has gone all tunnel-y.

While House and Dominica play with remote control helicopters off the lobby balcony, the Cottages discuss Danny's symptoms. Tunnel vision is a new one, while the GI bleed can be eliminated as it was caused by the bone fragments. Taub tries to come up with a diagnosis, which is difficult since he has a toy helicopter hovering a few inches away from his head. House literally shoots down his Western Equine Encephalitis idea by having the helicopter shoot a tiny little dart thing at Taub's face. Chase's theory of a brain tumor meets with a much warmer reception, especially since House and his helicopter are distracted by the arrival of Cuddy downstairs, followed by two important-looking people in business suits. He nods at Dominica, and they steer their helicopters down towards Cuddy, who is the only person who notices them. I mean, there's a useless PPTH security guard standing right there, but he's too busy letting people armed with weapons freely enter the hospital to notice any big noisy toy helicopters. House's helicopter shoots Cuddy in the boob before knocking over a vase full of flowers. The security guard remains oblivious. The important-looking woman is furious to have vase water splashed on her feet. Cuddy quickly makes an excuse that the helicopters belong to some playful pediatric patients and ushers them away from the scene before House can shoot a toy rocket at them and set them on fire.

Danny isn't a fan of the MRI (OF DOOOM!!), as he has trouble being in tight spaces since his dad used to lock him in the closet. Taub isn't sympathetic. Chase thinks he should give the guy a break and show him a little bit of respect, but Taub has none of that, nor does he have any hope that Danny will be able to turn his life around like he told Martha he was planning on doing. Chase thinks that Danny's belief that God gave him a second chance can be enough to keep Danny going. Taub calls him a sucker like Martha, who is being conned by a guy who knows what to say and do to get the most out of people. Chase doesn't see what's so wrong about rooting for a guy who has hope, and Taub says they don't know that Danny has hope. He's lied to them about everything so far, possibly including having an abusive father. He could just as easily have gotten those scars in fist fights. You know, the kind that end in cigarette burns and cuts. Danny speaks up to say he's not feeling well, and then he pukes. Taub rolls his eyes.

Despite the barfing, they were able to get a scan of Danny's head. While they found two "dark spots," they didn't find the tumor Chase expected. House and Dominica, meanwhile, are using the light box room table to play ping pong against Chase and Foreman, who should really know better but have apparently decided that they care as little about this job as their boss does. Martha thinks the dark spots could be brain damage from lack of oxygen when Danny was clinically dead, but House stops his game for a few seconds to say the scan actually looks like the MRI of someone with schizophrenia. Foreman says that could explain his tunnel vision -- maybe it's a hallucination. Taub doubts this, saying that Danny was screen

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