Cuddy's mother is back, but this time she's a patient at PPTH. Cuddy insists that House treat her, but he insults her almost immediately and she demands to be treated by someone else. Cuddy then asks her boyfriend to secretly treat her mother, but when he and the new doctor have a difference of opinion over a diagnosis, House has to resort to sneaking around and switching out her medications, which could get everyone fired and sent to jail. This means keeping Martha M. Masters occupied with another case, but she quickly figures out what's going on and tells on House to Cuddy. When she realizes that House and Cuddy are in cahoots, she wants to tell on them to Murphy and give new doctor the truth. House threatens to ruin her burgeoning medical career. She does it anyway. Just as Murphy is being loaded into an ambulance to be taken to a different hospital where these kinds of shenanigans don't happen, House convinces Cuddy to stand up to her mother for once in her life. She does, and insists that she stay at PPTH and be treated by House. With that finally taken care of, we have like five minutes left in the show, so House quickly figures out that Murphy's cobalt hip replacement is poisoning her. All is well between Cuddy and her mother and, it seems, House and Cuddy. And House decides not to ruin Martha M. Masters' medical career after all and keep her on the team. She, in turn, decides to stay on the team for some reason. And in subplot land, Taub gets a side job with his soon-to-be-ex-wife's brother's law firm that he immediately blows because he thinks he's saving a kid's life. Yawn.
After an unnecessary and pretty cheesy (although I think that was the intent. At least, I hope so. Because there were page-turn wipes, and those should never be done sincerely) montage of high-end clothing, gold mannequins, and champagne, we go to a dressing room where Cuddy is trying on a low-cut leopard-print top in front of her mother and sister. Yes, that's right -- Murphy Brown is back! After seven years of never seeing or really hearing anything about Cuddy's mother (including her apparent refusal to join her daughters at a recent Thanksgiving dinner), we get her in two out of the last three episodes! Even better, she's telling Cuddy something I think we've all been waiting to hear: that she dresses completely inappropriately. Cuddy's sister is no help, commenting that at least Murphy isn't telling them they look fat, like she usually does. "If you didn't want to be insulted you wouldn't have invited me," Murphy says with no remorse. She's right, though -- if my mom regularly told me I looked fat or whorish, I wouldn't go shopping with her no matter how much champagne the store offered.
Some girl wanders in and asks if they want champagne. Murphy is quick to take her up on the offer, much to her daughters' outrage. "It's not even lunch," Sister Cuddy says. Murphy offers to drink a mimosa instead, then takes a look at her daughters' latest fashion choices. To Sister Cuddy: "perfect for a night on the town." To Cuddy, who has yet to learn not to try on low-cut tops in front of her mother: "perfect for breast feeding!" Soon, karma catches up with Murphy, and she comments that her heart is doing "that weird thing again." "Beating? It's normal for humans," Cuddy retorts. Which is funny, except that you'd think a doctor would be a little bit more concerned when an older woman (and her mother) complains of heart issues. Sister Cuddy has to ask her to check Murphy out. She feels Murphy's pulse for like two seconds before she looks very concerned and says Murphy needs to go to the hospital.
House and the Cottages watch cartoons on the morgue's ancient TV, surrounded by uncovered bodies that PPTH apparently just leaves lying around to rot. Seriously -- put them in a fridge at least. I worked at such a terrible hospital once, and even it was good enough not to leave dead bodies lying all over the morgue. It doesn't seem to affect any of the guys, though, who happily eat chips and watch TV while Martha M. Masters wonders what's going on. Chase, Taub, and Foreman already figured out that House is hiding from someone, although they disagree on who. Taub is betting on Wilson, like he ever actually appears on this show anymore. Chase thinks it's Cuddy. And Foreman's money is on anyone else. Taub and Foreman are idiots. It's obviously Cuddy, and she finally tracks them down and walks in, wearing a rather conservative outfit for her. Perhaps her mother's wise attire advice finally sunk in? While Chase collects payment from Taub and Foreman, House argues with Cuddy on whether or not he should treat her mother. Because he is reasonable, he thinks it's a terrible idea. Cuddy is her usual selfish self and stands right in front of the TV, blocking the view to the viewing audience's obvious displeasure. House doesn't think there's much of anything wrong with Murphy other than a long history of being a hypochondriac, and if anything is wrong, it's a heart thing that a cardiologist should deal with. Neither he nor Cuddy should be involved with treating Cuddy's mother, he says, for once agreeing with medical ethics. "This will be a disaster," he warns. Cuddy doesn't care.