House
Fetal Position

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Fatal Disposition

"Fetal Position" could not be a more appropriate name for this episode, which I am recapping while in the fetal position myself, due to fun holiday weekend bout with food poisoning. It turns out that no matter how hungry you are, the burritos in the 7-11 refrigerator case SHOULD NEVER be consumed. Then again, this could have nothing to do with those burritos and might just be God punishing me for being Jewish on this Easter weekend. Either way, I had better be well enough to eat the post-Easter discounted Cadbury Creme Eggs.

After I am forced to spend another minte of my life watching the end of American Idol, we finally get to the show, where a pregnant woman is all business as she heads into a photo shoot with The Guy from All-American Rejects. We know he's the Guy from All-American Rejects because it says so on the canvas backdrop behind him. And though he's not the best enunciator, he's a pretty decent actor, so he gets a bunch of lines -- even more than Brandy did that one time. The photographer apologizes for being late, claiming morning sickness, and insists that the Guy from All-American Rejects feel her stomach. I thought pregnant women hated it when strangers felt their stomachs all the time. At least, that's what years of reading "Dear Ann" taught me. The Guy from All-American Rejects further works his way into my heart by telling the photographer, named Emma Notleibowitz, that he doesn't get what she's doing with the Norman Rockwell-esque classroom backdrop, but she invades his personal space and strokes his hair and placates him before starting the session. Guy from All-American Rejects mugs with his guitar while the rest of his band, wherever they are, lament the fact that their lead singer gets all the photo shoots and bit parts on hot TV shows. Emma takes all of three pictures before complaining that the words on the backdrop are "all jumbled." But even an illiterate musician knows that the words are totally legible. Emma starts to fret that something wrong with her, and remembers a mnemonic device for stroke symptoms: FACT. F is for face, half of which is all droopy. A is for Arms, which she holds out in front of her like she's doing the zombie walk. C is for See ya real soon! At this point, the Guy from All-American Rejects starts calling out for assistance, but no one really cares, even though their boss is now slurring her words and spinning around in circles. It isn't until she slurs out a request that they call 911 because she's having a stroke and collapses on the ground that anyone bothers to move. And then they just kind of huddle over her and look worried instead of calling 911.

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