Fetal Position

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
Fatal Disposition

"This sounds insane," Emma states as House puts the ultrasound gel on her tummy. Cuddy promises her that the baby won't feel a thing. Well, of course it won't -- it'll be paralyzed! That's, like, the only good thing about paralysis -- you don't feel pain. House ticks off Cuddy for calling Emma's baby a "baby," instead pointedly using the word "fetus," which I doubt will do much to make Emma think of it as a fetus rather than her child, but it's probably good to do anyway. Much better than crazy Cuddy, who ignores House's suggestion and starts telling Emma how hard it must be for her to hear that her baby could die, and that she'd much rather it be her instead. Yes, I'm sure it is hard, Cuddy. Does Emma really need to be reminded of that? And, you know, I'm sure this is my childlessness talking, and that I'll feel much different once I've actually experienced having a baby, like, grow inside me and all, but I think I'd be happier if the baby were dying than me. I'd be all relieved that my heart and kidneys were actually fine and telling everyone to get this evil deadly killer baby thing out of me ASAP. And I'd be just a little bit hurt that after five months of giving it the most comfortable of accommodations, it had turned against me in so foul a manner. It's called being a good guest in someone's home, baby-fetus. Learn some manners. Anyway, Cuddy solemnly tells Emma that if there were anyone she trusted to save the baby that she's NEVER EVER going to be pregnant with, it would be House. At this, House spins his head in Cuddy's direction and just barely avoids mouthing "don't say that! I will kill this fetus in a microsecond if I have to!" Or maybe he does mouth that, but we only see him say the "fetus" part. And with that, he injects the paralytic into the umbilical cord.

Afterward, Cuddy is spending her time in the nursery, staring at all the babies that aren't hers. Uh...PPTH might want to consider posting a guard there just in case Cuddy finally snaps and steals a baby for herself. Because I sense the time when this could happen is rapidly approaching. Cameron walks up with the ultrasound results: the fetus's bladder is four times as big as it should be, and squeezing all the other organs into each other, kind of like what happened to House just last week when he couldn't pee for days and days. This show needs to get over its pee obsession. Pee is gross. No more pee for the rest of the season, please. Cuddy happily declares that they can fix the urinary tract obstruction with a shunt, and can't wait to tell Emma the good news. But first, she must deal with Cameron, who asks if Cuddy's taking over the case or something. No, Cuddy says, she just wants to be the one to deliver the good news, because she's lost all objectivity. And while they're having an awkward conversation, Cuddy informs Cameron that dating Chase can either end really well or really, really badly, when Cuddy will have to fire one of them because they can't work together. If Cameron is the one who gets fired, I don't think that will be so bad. "I would hate to see my personal life become such a burden to you," Cameron retorts, apparently unaware that her personal life is a burden to all of us already, and also that when you have sex with your co-worker on hospital grounds, then your boss is not out of line to have a few words with you about it. Cameron also says something about how Cuddy had better talk to Chase about this as well, to which Cuddy replies that Chase isn't the one who will get hurt. I have to say, I do enjoy watching Cuddy and Cameron interact. You'd sort of expect them to be friendly, since they're two lone women in a man's world, but really, they kind of hate each other. Which is also fairly typical for women.

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