Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 2 USERS: A
Low Fidelity

This leaves House standing in front of the lab, through the pretty glass doors of which you can see Cameron's back as she runs simultaneous tests on her doctoring, dressing, and non-self-righteousness abilities. She scored a two. Combined. House enters and says that if Cameron is making margaritas, he would like a double. Alcohol and Vicodin mix so well. Cameron, her voice filled with sadness, says she's recalibrating the centrifuge. House orders her to turn around and face him, and when she does, we see that she's been crying. Of course. House says that uncalibrated centrifuges are sad. So is the fact that a doctor is doing routine lab maintenance. This is the stuff that I used to do in a job whose sole requirement was a high school diploma or equivalent. Any doctor who came in and tried to use our equipment usually ended up breaking it. I still remember the glorious Battle of October, in which an orthopedic surgeon broke a microscope while trying to look at some knee fluid crystals, thus bringing the wrath of the Assistant Lab Director down upon him. The doctor then complained to the Lab Director and the pathology doctors, who ordered her to apologize to him because doctors are God.

Anyway, Cameron says she isn't crying. House chooses not to call her out on her obvious LIE. Cameron tells House that she told Ed he was a "jerk," although I'm pretty sure a "terrible person" is worse than a "jerk." Just in case you thought Cameron was crying because she felt bad about telling a guy whose wife was unfaithful and dying that he was a terrible person, it's actually because she fell in love in college and got married, only to watch her husband die of cancer six months later. "I'm sorry," House says. "But that's not the whole story." You see, it would take at least a year for Cameron's husband's thyroid cancer to kill him by spreading to his brain, which means Cameron knew her husband was going to die when she married him. "You can't be that good a person AND well-adjusted," House says. How does marrying someone with cancer make you a "good" person? Are we supposed to infer that Cameron is a "good" person because she had a pity sex with a dying man? Not to mention that she lords her tragic young widow issues over everyone every chance she gets. And if she expounds upon any more of her backstory, I think I'm going to get recapping sleeping sickness. Fortunately, House and Cameron's pagers go off before I slip into a coma and Wing has to make the difficult decision to assume I've been recapping for other sites and consent to the treatment, or let me die. ["Maybe if I knew you'd been recapping for other sites, I wouldn't mind if you died -- but then, I'm a terrible person." -- Wing Chun]

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