House
Fidelity

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Low Fidelity

Some time later, Elyce has recovered from her seizure, but now she doesn't even have the motor control necessary to draw a circle. Isn't it kind of unfair of them to give her the hardest possible shape to do out of the gate like that? They could've at least let her start on some rectangles to get her confidence up.

Back at the office, Wilson yet again informs us that nothing showed up on Elyce's MRI. "It's not a tumor," he says. That will never stop being funny for me, no matter how many educational program budgets the most famous speaker of that line-turned-my-governor cuts. Chase has a few suggestions for what wife's problem could be, including the dreaded Lyme Disease. Despite having grown up in the state of its origin, all I really know about this condition is what I saw on The Real World, which is that Lyme Disease makes you laugh and cry at the same time and get slapped in the face for calling out latent homosexuals. So all we need is for Elyce to tell Wilson that he's not fooling anyone and for Wilson to smack her in the jaw and we've got our diagnosis! Or not, as House dismisses the Lyme Disease idea after ascertaining that Ed is an attentive and devoted husband who would have noticed Lyme Disease's initial onset rash. That's true: my roommate came home from a trip back to Connecticut complaining of achy joints and a huge bug bite on his back. I checked it out, and sure enough, he had the distinctive bullseye rash of Lyme Disease. He was able to get medicine quickly enough to avoid Lyme Disease's late-onset complications, although I told him that if he ever had an irresistible urge to tell feminine "straight" men that they were gay, he should call his doctor immediately.

Wilson asks whether anyone got a look at Elyce's breasts. "Men!" House scoffs. Ah, but there is a medical method to his ogling, as Wilson says Elyce could have paraneoplastic syndrome. House asks if there was any breast cancer in Elyce's family medical history. Cameron breathlessly says that Elyce's mother totally died of it. Awesome!

Cut to Ed, acting as our medical exposition elicitor. How can breast cancer cause brain problems? he wonders. Cameron tells him and us that in paraneoplastic syndrome, the body's antibodies go after brain cells instead of tumor cells, as the two have molecular similarities. It's a microscopic version of wanting a Coke, but only being able to find a Pepsi machine and settling for that. I guess. Honestly, it took me two days to figure out how to spell "paraneoplastic," let alone figure out what it actually is. Foreman says that the only treatment option is to go after Elyce's tumor -- providing that it's treatable. And that it actually exists. And I don't think I'm giving too much away by saying that it doesn't.

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House

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