House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 1395 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
House The Magician

Meanwhile, Alice is burning up and PPTH ran out of cooling blankets and ice packs, probably because Shitter had them confiscated for his investigation. Cuddy decides to take matters into her own hands, and starts disconnecting Alice from the machines. Up in the balcony, Cameron and Chase try to figure out what gave Alice that clot, while House paces around and whines that he needs more Vicodin. He goes to yell at Cuddy down in the operating room, but both she and Alice are gone.

Alice and Cuddy are posed, in the most dramatic way possible, in the shower, Cuddy sitting on the floor with Alice lying in her lap. Somehow, Cuddy manages to keep her makeup on even in the water. House kicks the stall door in and Cuddy shows him that Alice's arm has the rash on it again. She thought they fixed the infection, but House says that obviously those crappy antibiotics Cuddy gave Alice instead of his awesome broad-spectrum ones didn't do the job. "It's a good thing you didn't become a mom, 'cause you suck at it!" House snaps at Cuddy. Hmm...it's probably not a good idea to lash out at the one person who can force you to go to sensitivity training classes, House. Also, you're an asshole. I wish I could say I'll never forgive House for this, but I know I will.

The Cottages find House on the balcony being an eight-year-old and shining his laser pointer at the people below. He asks them what Alice's returning rash tells them. Apparently, it tells them nothing. House snaps at them for their lack of response, and says that Alice's infection has grown too powerful for broad-spectrum antibiotics, so the only way to stop it is to figure out exactly what it is. The Cottages speak up only to tell House that their bank accounts are now unfrozen. "Horrible, horrible news," House snarks. They say it is for House; if Shitter's not putting pressure on them, it means someone turned House in and he got what he wanted. House keeps trying to talk about their patient, and they finally get the hint and start trying to diagnose her. Cameron's diagnosis comes with an "and I didn't say anything to Tritter!" tacked on the end of it that would, quite frankly, make me suspect her all the more. "Neither did I!" Foreman supplies. Chase tries to be all subtle and suggests that maybe no one turned House in and that Shitter's just trying to make them think someone did. Foreman and Cameron quickly turn against Chase, saying that they know he was hanging out with Shitter and laughing and now all their bank accounts are back. House tells them to treat Alice for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which sounds like a lot more fun than it probably is, much like "Rocky Mountain Oysters," which are actually bull testicles, or the John Denver song "Rocky Mountain High," which isn't about drugs at all, but about boring old natural beauty. Foreman and Cameron leave to pretend to do their jobs while they complain about Shitter. Chase asks House if they can "talk." Surprise, surprise, House says no. He figures that either Chase tuned him in and wants forgiveness, or he didn't turn House in and wants praise; House won't be offering either one. If I were Chase, I think I would turn around and turn House in, just for that. It's all well and good to disregard society's code of politeness and respect for your fellow humans, House, but don't expect it to also give you anyone's everlasting loyalty.

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP