House
Finding Judas

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House The Magician

According to the scratch test, Alice is allergic to everything. She got one hundred percent on her test! Way to go, Alice! House says that the results can't be correct and tests his theory by ordering Alice to eat the peanut butter sandwich, which he says is a "magic sandwich." Alice starts to say that she doesn't believe in magic sandwiches, so House orders her to "take a damn bite." She does, and has no allergic reaction. House determines that the scratch test must be wrong, and that they can feel free to give Alice the broad-spectrum antibiotics the test said she was allergic to for the infection he's sure she has. Foreman doesn't think this is a good idea; if House is wrong, Alice's system will totally shut down. House angrily orders Chase to give Alice the meds. Chase doesn't know what to do. He's relieved when the Father steps forward and says that he won't allow them to give Alice the meds.

Here come da judge! Hilariously, it's exactly the same judge they had yesterday, and House is trying to use the same argument, except this time, it's the mother who's willing to see reason instead of the father. This does not go unnoticed by the judge. "I honestly figured I'd get a different judge today," House says, looking sheepish. Awesome. The parents start bickering again, still refusing to get the hint that no one wants to hear their petty squabbles, and the judge accuses everyone of wasting her time and awards temporary guardianship of Alice to someone who can actually make a decision in Alice's best interests -- a doctor. Cuddy, who's standing in the back of the room looking like she wouldn't mind if a hole opened up beneath her, is forced to speak up and say that House is probably not the best candidate for this. The judge says she wasn't going to award guardianship of Alice to House -- she's awarding it to Cuddy. Wonderful!

So now Cuddy has guardianship of both House's patient and his pills. He can't stand it. He demands that she give him some pills and put Alice on broad-spectrum antibiotics. Understandably, Cuddy's still a little overwhelmed by everything. She wonders how she can make a medical decision for a kid she doesn't even know. Hey Cuddy -- you're just her guardian in terms of medical decisions. You don't have to be the kid's mom. We all know how bad Cuddy can be when it comes to making medical decisions for people she has an emotional investment in. She tells House to put Alice on only one antibiotic. House says that won't be enough. Cuddy says it will be. House is happy enough with this, since Cuddy also gives him his pill allowance.

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